


Fear Is A Liar

by Hanginonthetelephone



Category: American Horror Story
Genre: AHS, AU, Alternate Universe, American Horror Story - Freeform, Could be triggering, F/F, Gen, Lesbian Relationship, but fluffy foxxay too, enjoy the ride, heavy focus on OC, heavy shit, written in third person after prologue
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2020-01-13 12:36:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 26,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18469108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hanginonthetelephone/pseuds/Hanginonthetelephone
Summary: AU: Cordelia and Misty are living out their lives as girlfriends. Cordelia being a renowned psychiatrist, Misty a teacher of arts.They stumble upon a young girl threatening to take her life after a night at the bar. Follow the trio's journey as they discover what family really means.





	1. Prologue

I remember being fascinated by indie 70s cinema when i was fourteen. The way the camera would lightly blur when zooming into the girl's faces, resulting in a soft glow on their complexions. The way they would speak so feminine, like a fairy almost. and then they would get hurt by some guy and lift their drowsy eyes to the camera lens and sigh softy, then say some line about how they would rather stick their head in the oven than live without him. Fourteen year old me would really eat that shit up. I can see it now. Me, in a white night gown, lips stained by peach lipstick, hair loosely curled, but held messily by cheap hairspray. There i would be sitting crossed legged facing the mirror, one of my mothers unlit Marlboros in hand, some track by Skeeter Davis playing softly in the background, wishing that someone would call me Baby so i wouldn't want to die anymore.

I spent my sixteenth year writing haiku's to the boys that would kiss me in the back seat of their cars and never call me back; my seventeenth in bed with a boy who would distract me with Jack Daniels and speed so i wouldn't find out that i wasn't his real baby; and my eighteenth convincing myself that drinking peppermint tea made up for the fact that i was always coming down. 

I wonder if fourteen year old me would be fascinated by me now, standing on the top of some 20 something story apartment block in the city. Maybe if i stretch my arms high and spin around i could convince the pedestrians beneath me that i'm the Black Swan. Maybe if i think long enough i can convince myself that they care. Oh yes, fourteen year old Lou would just about blow her load at this sight. If i just about close my eyes enough, the mist of my unspilled tears definitely create the same effect of a blurry 70s camera lens. Now what was my line?

I have a mother, but for most of my life, on every level except physical, she wasn't there. I'm not even sure if she knows she's physically here anymore. Once upon a time her and my father were young lovers in San Francisco. They thrived in the era of free love and Charles Manson. My mothers blonde hair would glow as she shook her head giggling like a teenager when she told me stories of their love affair. She never described him much though. I once read that Marilyn Monroe would keep a picture of Abraham Lincoln on her bed side table because she didn't know her real father. Sometimes i have too many male faces in mind when picturing him, and they blur into one twisted one, with a crooked nose and an empty smile. On a good day i like to think he had a thick lot of brown hair and a friendly moustache that didn't smell like beer like the other men i know. 

This is where i'm supposed to jump i think.


	2. It's the End of the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title: It's the end of the world // Skeeter Davis.

"No no no no, you were totally about to punch that guy Misty admit it." "Oh my god, Delia! no i wasn't! i was just trying to intimidate him a little."

The stumbling pair exited Terry's Bar, arms linked, both attempting to stifle their breathy laughs from the cold air.  
  
"I bet you would've liked it if i did though." The taller blonde accused as she shifted her lover to the discoloured wall at the corner of the street, straddling her smaller body.

"Yeah, that's right i saw the cheeky sparkle in your eye when i told him to go and fuck himself." Vodka fuelled breath plastered Cordelia's lips.

"Mist - Misty, not here okay." The older blonde giggled as the kiss severed. "You might make me feel like a teenager sometimes , but i'm definitely not drunk enough to act like one."

"Yeah yeah, you can try act like that didn't get you off Miss Prissy, but i know you."

The pair continued to make their way down to the end of the street, Misty lightly clinging onto Cordelia's black fur coat as the wind slightly blew her off balance.

"Oh my god, is that a, is that a person up there?" Cordelia turned her head to face her girlfriend who was too distracted by the sign of a pizza palace. "Misty, Misty look up there. Is that a person on top of the apartment block?"

"I don't know, i cant see properly, it's too dark."

"Too drunk more like."

Twin pairs of eyes squinted almost suspiciously into what at first glance looked like thin air, but upon more inspection, a dainty figure stood, a little too close to a large drop.

"yeah, yeah, i think it actually is." The Cajun seemed to have sobered up at the sight. "Do you think they're about to jump?" 

"Um, i'm not sure, shit what do we do?"

Taking the fellow blonde's cold hand, Misty began to leap her way across the intersection towards the chic building.

"Misty, what are you doing? There's cars racing down here." Cordelia muttered, slightly out of breath, eyes wide as does examining the vehicles charging towards them like bulls as if they were waving a red flag.

"We can't let them jump, come on, the cars will stop." Blinding headlights and a choir of horns threatened the young women as they continued to make their way to the front of the apartment block. "Can you see the stairwell?" Misty panted, still holding a little too tightly to her girlfriends hands, the cold tips now clammy. Gaining her breath, Cordelia recoiled and silently pointed to a crook on the left wing of the building.

"This is gross, you'd think a building with such fancy apartments would house a better stairwell" A piece of rusty paint peeled off into Cordelia's hand as she grabbed onto the damp steel. "So gross." She still managed to cling onto the high maintenance trait slightly, even after her mother had gone. The younger woman passed her when they reached the bend, legs straining from the steep steps, but eyes filled with determination. "Come on Dee, we haven't got all day."

"Misty, you don't even know whose up there. I've spent most of my career working alongside sociopaths and criminals. They're amazing manipulators, and the sick fucks get off on taking advantage of empathy fuelled people like us." The older blonde had stopped in her tracks somewhere when spewing her horror story, eyebrows quirked and mouth drawn down to a pout. Looking up to her girlfriend, she was greeted with a soft sigh and a slightly sympathetic look.

"Or, they could be a vulnerable person, normal just like us, whose had a really bad day and just needs someone to tell them they matter. You work with them everyday too. I think i'm willing to take the risk."

Cordelia softly smiled at her lover before she reached out for her hand and continued to walk up the final few steps.  _Of course she thinks that way; her soul bounces off any opportunity to help someone._

A wave of tangled brown hair greeted them from the distance as the night of the city shook. The figure was still small, a petite woman perhaps, a black silky cami dress clinging to their small body as if it was just as scared as its owner to leave flat ground.

Surprising herself, Cordelia made the first move. "H- hello." She coarsed. "Are you alright?" She seemed to have found her voice somewhere between being choked by her own doubts and the midnight air.

  
The small figure stumbled backwards as if she'd been caught playing on a strangers lawn. A pair of bright green eyes beamed at the two trespassers in shock. Green is for go.

"We're not here to hurt you, we just saw you from down on the strip. We, we wanted to make sure you were alright." Misty stated meekly as they strided a few metres towards the now clearly shaking girl. 

"I i i i'm fine."

  
_She speaks._ Cordelia couldn't decide whether the young girls stutter was a result of the cold, her sticky tears, or the plain fact that she was just about to jump hundreds of feet to her death. _Just looking down the ground from here would make me speak like that._ "Are you sure?" She hesitated. "It's awful cold up here, why don't you come down?"

  
"Why don't you mind your own business."

_She's mouthy, this is going to be fun._

  
Misty looked at Cordelia like a puppy asking its owner for the last slice of bacon. _Help her. You're better at this than me_ she could almost hear her say it. The older blonde bit her lip and blinked the frosty tears from her eyes that the wind had formulated, before closing even more space between herself and the young girl. She had resumed her favoured position, facing away from her trespassers, hands now closed in fists as if they were bags of rocks, keeping her on the ground.

With the small brunette standing on a slightly higher layer of bricks, she was now almost level with the blonde.

"Look, i know right now you might think you want us to leave, but that's an awfully big drop, and i'm pretty sure that if we were to leave, there would be at least a small part of you that wished we had stayed. even just for a few more minutes. You dont want to do this."

  
Green iris's and red stained sclera's peered sideways towards the unfamiliar blonde. _Why does she make me want to step down. I don''t ever step down._   "What am i supposed to do?" A childish voice mumbled, a shivered hiccup following.

  
The brown eyes facing her relaxed, a shy look of pity mixed into her brows, only more warm than condescending. Then just before a reply from the more familiar blonde could be made, a smaller voice with a slightly southern twang chimed in.

  
"Why don't we go grab a coffee from the cafe on the next block? I could sure use one."

  
_She has a pretty smile. my mother used to smile like that._

Cordelia nodded hopefully to the brunette, kind eyes beaming and searching for a little glimpse of hope. Shifting her gaze back to ground below, the tear stained girl attempted to make shapes out of the noises from afar. _I can hear the growls of traffic, but where are the cars? Is it really that far down._

"Okay." she puffed out a silent breath.


	3. Fire and Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title: Fire and rain // James Taylor.

Small, tanned hands covered the body of a mug filled with coffee. _Her nails are painted_ , Cordelia noted. _She looks after herself_.

The two older blondes sat side by side in the cold red booth facing the dainty brunette. The cafe smelled like dusty coffee beans and smoke. The tables surrounding the trio housed armies of drunk punters. Some muttering incoherent words into stained cups, others sneaking beer under the rusty booths, dismissing the tired waitress' pleas.

"I'm not so much a fan of coffee as apposed to an earl grey." Misty started as she stared at the black liquid lodging around in her cup, reminding her of the mud that would gather at the edges of the swamp near her childhood home.

  
"You were the one who said you could use a coffee." Lou inwardly bashed herself as soon as the sentence left her mouth. _She was just trying to be nice, stop being so predatory._

  
The curly haired blonde visibly shrunk into her seat at the statement, unsure on how to follow.

Ignoring the tense air, Cordelia intervened. "So what's your name?"

"What's your name?" _Damn, that view really must have took the manners out of me tonight._ Shaking her head, Lou backtracked. "I'm sorry, im a little jittery. I'm not usually like this." She looked back at misty with an apologetic smile. "My name's Lou."

  
"Just Lou?, that's pretty." Misty chimed.

  
"Thanks, my parents were big Lou Reed fans. My mom said my dad saved three months wage to buy a guitar just like his."

Cordelia took a small sip of her questioning latte before clearing her throat. "I'm Cordelia, and this is my girlfriend, Misty." she smiled.

A bashful look was sent her way from her lover. _I'll never get over her calling me that._

  
_She has warm eyes,_ Lou observed. _Much browner than any others I've seen in a long time. If it was really dark, i could mistake her for an owl._

"So, bad day?" Cordelia hummed.

"You could say that." Lou's gaze shifted to the now luke warm coffee she was nursing, eyes droopy and in thought. Misty's eyes followed. _She's looking at that like it's going to burst with stars._ "How old are you sweetie?" 

"Old enough to not be called that."

Secretly, Lou loved (emphasis on the love) pet names. She was her mother's Darling until she was eight ; her father's Buttercup in her dreams; and for a short moment when she was fifteen, she was almost a blonde man's Angel. But after years of rejection, daydreaming, and tragedy that could put her life into a Telenovela script, nineteen year old Lou was not falling for it.

She once again silently bashed herself, but this time didn't go back on her word. The _y're going to think i'm unstable. Well even more unstable than someone who was just about to fly to her death not half hour ago._ "I'm nineteen." She sighed, eyes still avoiding warm faces.

"Is there any one we can call for you? Your mother, father, a friend perhaps." Cordelia was in the business of dealing with suicidal patients regularly, some of them had good support systems, others not so much. _A nineteen year old in the middle of the city in the early hours of the morning isn't that uncommon, but surely someone must be looking out for her. She's dressed well, she looks hygienic, well fed._

"Not to be rude miss, but if i had any of those things do you think that i'd be sitting here in a gross coffee shop, humiliated, in front of two middle class, slightly patronising strangers?"

Tears threatened to spill from the brunette, but instead she clenched her jaw and fixed her gaze on a streetlamp. _Maybe if i stare long enough the dim bulb will swallow me like a lightning bug._

Misty wore the pity on her face like a blanket. _I remember what is was like to have no one._ Shifting her head to face Cordelia slightly, she saw an un-ushered tear sliding down her right eye like a fraction of melting butter. _She never get like this, or does she?_

Cordelia spent five, sometimes six days a week around vulnerable adults. She wasn't the sort to bring work home with her, but from a few of the stories Misty had heard, she always wondered how her skin had grown so tough with the job. But here she was, in a situation her PHD thrived off, losing her reserve.

"We don't mean to be patronising." The older blonde finally said, after a long moment of reflective silence from the trio.  "Look, i'm a Psychiatrist, and I've seen so many people feeling the way you probably do right now." Cordelia softly grazed Lou's hand on a whim in an attempt to gain eye contact before continuing. The movement startled the young girl slightly, but it gained her attention. _When was the last time someone touched me like that?_ She stared at the dainty hand before gazing back up to the blonde's dark hues, afraid that if she blinked too hard, the contact would go away.

"Whatever you're feeling right now. It's completely normal, it's not something to feel humiliated over, and it's not something you should feel ashamed of, okay?"

Small red lips quaked like someone had flicked an elastic band at them. A fight for breath commenced between Lou's lungs and voice box. Inside she felt like she was going to turn her own body upside down, but she managed to hold her own composure, only letting a few puddles of tears spill, and one large breath. The paler hands holding hers slightly gripped a little tighter, and for a short second, Lou let her hold linger there too.

Misty stared back and forth between the two women beside her. She felt in awe of her girlfriend, alongside having a deep lump in her the bottom of her stomach for the brunette. _I'm glad someone else is getting to see how good it feels to be comforted by her._

"Where are you staying Lou?" Misty interjected. The brunette gazed at Cordelia for a moment before turning her locks towards the slighter younger blonde. Just as she realised he wasn't quite sure of what to reply, Cordelia intervened as if she had read her mind. "It's okay, you can be honest with us."

"I'ts not like i'm living on the streets;i am crashing somewhere, it's just they're not very nice people, so i like to stay out most nights."

 _What does she mean by "not nice people"? that could mean anything from not washing up their own dishes to being homicidal baby killers._ Cordelia bit back the remark, surprising herself at how defensive she felt so suddenly. "Can i ask what you mean by that?" She decided to go for.

"Um, they just break the law a whole lot, and i don't like to put myself around drugs anymore." Beads of sweat formed around bushy brows. _Great, now they're going to think i'm a drug addict._ Lou swallowed hard before attempting to continue, shifting her gaze to a blind spot, avoiding what she felt like two pairs of scissors ripping into her chest. _why does my chest physically hurt?_

Before she could continue, the owner of the handing she was holding, spoke. "Well that's fair enough."

  
_It's over? That quickly?_ Bewildered by the lack of interrogation, Lou opened her eyes a little wider. She scanned the women in front of her for any clue of an ulterior motive.

Cordelia had learnt not to push people whilst they were revealing parts of their life. Half learnt from her mother's nosy tactics, and half from her training in college. She found that people were more inclined to open up when they felt as though they weren't being forced to vomit information.

Misty nodded towards Cordelia for a silent wish of approval. "Well if you aren't comfortable staying where you are, Me and Delia would be more that happy to offer you a bed."

 _She's so naive. charming, yes. Pretty, yes. but so very naive._ Lou looked to Cordelia for some form of explanation, but all that met her were hopeful iris's. She bit back a laugh. "You are joking right?"

Misty knotted her brows together. _Am i missing something?_

"You just had to coax me off a twenty three story building, and you think i'm safe enough to welcome into your home? I'm assuming your very nice, picket fence, perfect for two kids and a dog home."

"You don't seem to be any danger towards us, we just want to help." The curly blonde women argued.

Fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, and even eighteen year old Lou would have jumped into a strangers lap and asked to be spoon fed if given half a chance, but nineteen year old Lou was all out of pennies to give. _My chest still hurts._ "I don't need any charity, i just need a break." 

Before either of the women could speak, the brunette slid her clammy hand out of manicured fingers and stood up from the booth, legs feeling like jelly which had been left out in the sun for too long; fizzy and unstable. "Thanks for the coffee." she remarked before heading towards the door, having to avoid the fingers of intoxicated middle aged men touching her ass.

A weak hand pushed open the door after her. "Lou, Lou, please. you can go, just give me one minute."

The brunette turned around to meet her caller, and saw a disheartened Cordelia five metres away, arms multiplying with goose bumps from the lack of coat she was wearing.

"I'm not interested. Thank you for everything. I promise i'll stay safe tonight, okay. You dont' have to go back to your dinner party, brunch with the girls riddled life with a guilty conscious." _Somehow i know she's not like that, but this hurts too much._

Frozen fingertips closed on Lou's left arm as she turned away. Slightly moving the tanned limb, Cordelia slipped a piece of paper into her dress pocket. She was shot an accusing look before she had the chance to explain herself. "It's my number. Just please know that we weren't doing this to stroke our own egos; we both know what it feels like to want to stop existing."

Sharp eyes pinned the blonde's in the darkness. She couldn't tell whether they looked bitter or scared.

"I'll let you go okay. Just please don't throw that out. And if you need anything, i'll answer, any time of day."

_She's rambling._

"And yes, please stay safe." The older blonde hesitated before continuing. "I know dangerous people Lou, and you're not one of them. Please don't treat yourself like it."

The small brunette took a deep breath, and faced towards the ground. _Maybe if i stay in this concrete square long enough, the soles of my boots will melt into glue._ Snapping out of her trance, she faced the blonde once again. "I have to go."

Long fingers carefully traced Cordelia's sharp shoulder blade, the top of her bicep was tickled with a thick mop of blonde curls. "She'll be alright baby, don't worry."


	4. Sympathy for the Devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title: Sympathy for the devil // The Rolling Stones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm issuing a Trigger Warning for this chapter guys. There's a specific section which depicts rape.  
> Regardless of that, i hope you like where this story is headed :)

Tangerine coloured lights spilled into Lou's retinas as she walked aimlessly through the streets of the city. Goosebumps peppered caramel skin as the early hours welcomed the frost. Digging into her small black satchel, she searched for a lighter to spark her cigarette. _Of course i wouldn't have a lighter right now._

Several women, not too much older than herself, lingered in the darkness ahead of her - lipstick more crimson than red velvet cake, hair more done up than a beauty queens.

"Hey, i don't suppose any of you ladies have a light?" She asked meekly as her legs brought her closer to them.

"Sure thing princess." One girl with honey highlights answered as she banged her stilettos on the concrete below.

Lou offered a shy smile as she accepted the object. "Thanks, you might just be a life saver." She remarked, somewhat, but not completely sarcastically.

"Say, I've never seen you on this side of the street, are you a new girl?" A slightly plumper lady asked.

"Oh, no, i'm not a... a.. a."

"Prostitute? You can say it honey."

Lou almost winced at the woman's honesty. Her mother had dipped her toes into that particular trade when the teenager was in middle school, and the less she remembered of the bruised cheeks her tricks would gift her, the better.

"Yeah." She awkwardly smirked.

"Well, it's not all that bad.... we don't bite, well unless they ask us to." An orchestra of snarls followed from the other women.

 _I wonder if all these girls thought they would magically transform into Julia Roberts like my mother did._ "I don't think it's for me." She mused.

"Well, then i guess you can politely fuck off if you don't mind. Can't be having you taking our customers if you ain't even offering." A taller lady ungraciously sparked as she slid out from a shadow behind a few of the other girls.

With a stumbling nod, Lou turned her head towards the ground and paced off the corner, a little intimated by the next wave of giggles that echoed behind her. _Jesus, if i stare at the floor anymore tonight, i think my head might just about fall off._

************************************************************************************************************************************************

"There's no way on Earth that poor girl is going to be safe tonight." Cordelia groaned as she kicked the covers off herself and Misty as they lay facing the ceiling on their queen bed. "We should've took her to a women's shelter, a hostel...a .." Slender fingers that housed a family of rings caressed a pale cheek, cutting the blonde off.

"Shh h, stop beating yourself up about this Dee, she's a grown woman." Azure eyes burned through brown ones in the darkness in the bedroom.

"I know." Cordelia whispered. "I know." She repeated, more to herself.

A long silence followed whilst the older blonde allowed her kinked hair to be stroked by her lover.

"I just can't stop thinking about her being all alone." A tsunami of tears viciously threatened to pour from the older blonde as her voice choked the sentence, but she squeezed them in just as they were ready to leave for battle.

A chaste kiss planted her lips slowly like an oyster unfolding a pearl. "I think we did good tonight Cordelia. Even if she did think we were a pair of brown-nosers, she still got off the edge of that building, that's gotta mean something."

"Yeah, i guess you're right. I just wish we could have done more."

Tangled flaxen hair tickled Cordelia's lip as Misty turned to face her lover in the sprawled mess of sheets. "Why don't you try close your eyes okay? We've had a long night, and you're judgement is getting blurry."

After taking a deep breath, Cordelia re-focused and pecked Misty on the cheek. _She kisses me like the rain dew kisses grass._

Misty hung her eyes deep in thought as she stroked the navel of her girlfriend, encouraging her to rest. She thought back to the time she had felt all alone in the world. _That feels like a whole lifetime away._ She remembered the days where she felt stripped bare of any affection and belonging, resulting in her highly doubting a purpose for herself.

Days would pass without any interaction, and there were times where the only sign of her still remaining as a living soul would be when the sun would hang above her shack like a screensaver, as if it was remembering to greet her. She would spend hours convincing herself that the constellations that freckled in the sky held strong resemblance to her family members. And eventually, when looking at the world above her only jabbed her with melancholy, she would paint portraits of herself amongst things that she found beautiful. Mostly strange variations of flowers; oceans as cyan as the Miami Blue butterflies that would kiss her fingers during spring.

But then she found Cordelia. She stopped scribbling Lilys and started scribbling the lines her girlfriend's face would make when she laughed, cried, screamed her name in pleasure, slept.

The girl who had once thought her home was beneath the vines in her garden suddenly found more safety in Cordelia's arms than in any breeze of the wind, rustle of the leaves, gentle hand of the moon, tickle of the sand, or in the damp rain that would pour from the sky night after night like blood seeping from a wound.

All she could think of was how grateful she was to have found home in a place where someone else lay.

Her heart poured for Lou, but she couldn't help admire the young brunette for her ruthless, No Prisoners attitude, regardless if it was just a facade. She assumed the young girl could hold herself in an altercation, and prayed that she would find her Sun, just like she had.

****************************************************************************************************************************

4 am dusk wrapped the city around it's hinges like an envelope. A chorale of the earliest birds fought their way to be heard by the last souls wondering the streets beneath them whilst Lou sat parked on a bench near a strip of closed stores. The night had proven to be particularly unkind to her, and she wondered if Poetic Justice was out to get her. _Ugh, i feel like piss dribbled on toast._

A husky voice probed her out of thought. "You look like you've just escaped hell."

She turned her head to find a handsome young man smiling faintly, the offering of a cigarette playing in his hand.

He had a strong jaw and dusty blonde hair which covered his head politely. His blue eyes hung like a raccoon's; mischievous, and daring. His lips, in a strong line with a prevalent cupid's bow. A mustard yellow bruise covered his cheek alongside other faint scratches, which he seemed to wear like a ribbon. _If he wasn't wearing clothes, i think i might have mistaken him for God's fallen angel._

"I think hell sounds nice right about now." She confidently smiled through a thick goo of tears, accepting his gift.

"Bit too hot down there for my liking." He grinned as he invited himself to scoot over the brunette.

"Bit too empty up here for mine."

A haunting smile with crooked teeth mirrored her own as frost escaped their mouths. "You're funny Green Eyes, i like you."

"Green Eyes." The brunette giggled. "Creative. Do you not want to know my real name?"

A cold fingertip stroked dry tears off a wet cheek. "Who needs a name when you have a face like that." He spoke into Lou's mouth as he captured her lips with his own.

"I'll call you Blu." the dainty brunette murmured as they severed.

"Why don't we split it even - Escape Earth, avoid Hell, and find Heaven."

"Only if Heaven is your place."

***********************************************************************************************************************************

Moans of different octaves escaped intertwined mouths as Lou and Blu hurled themselves against the bedroom wall. Seconds later, black underwear and an off white shirt cluttered the floor.

"Let's get on the bed." Lou whined as she felt chunky fingers caress her clit.

"Na, i wanna fuck you right here Green eyes. I want my eye balls to taste your breath."

For a second Lou was sure the blonde haired boy spoke the same language as her whivering body, but as his penis violently thrashed her insides in deep thrusts, her nervous system melted with panic.

"Slow down, you're hurting me." She panted through shaky breaths.

He didn't slow down. _He's not stopping. Why isn't he stopping?_

Before she could moan out a cry of pain, a thick hand hooked onto Lou's mouth like a tarantula strangling it's prey. A second gripped onto her shoulder blade and shoved her down doggie-style on thin sheets.

"Please. Stop. Blu, you're hurting me." She screamed as the hand covering her lips released her.

The hand shoved her head forcefully into the duvet and Lou swore she could feel her eyelashes turn to daggers, sharp enough to cut through the eyelids holding them together.

"Shut up you stupid bitch. This is what you wanted. This is what whores like you always want." He panted between breaths.

 _Maybe if i hold my breath long enough, i can convince myself that his spit on my neck is the sprinkler i used to spend my summers dancing in._ A heap of limbs spun her petite body around to face the ceiling, a palm smacked the side of her face. _I don't think i can._

The dark figure grunting above Lou's sweating body wore eyes like the devil. With every rough stroke he chimed into her, she felt as though the puzzle of her soul was falling apart. _When did i stop screaming?_ She could only release a spineless whimper.

As the heavy man smothering her grunted his final grunt, Lou turned her head to the side and lifelessly attempted to cover her face with the questionably stained sheets. She received a final smack across the jaw before the still panting man entered the bathroom to wash the oil that conjured around his bushy brows. Drowsy eyes attempted to follow his footsteps from the edge of the bed. Her body felt emancipated, puny, and sore. _If this is where Heaven is, i think i'd like to go back to Hell now,_ she prayed.

A pathetic laugh fell from sinister lips as Blu watched over his victim. "I'm takin a shower." His eyes scorned over his evil work. "You can clean yourself up." A dirty t-shirt was lunged at the brunette's face.

As the cream white door in front of her slammed shut, bile arose from Lou's throat, momentarily reminding her that all she consumed that day was the coffee the two kind strangers she shooed off had bought her. _The note_.

Her hands shivered as she painfully rose from the bed, an icky sensation of semen mixed with blood trickled down her legs, catching onto fuzzy hair she had neglected to shave. Not feeling daring enough to look, she cautiously dipped a single digit into her folds and brought it up to clean air. Parallel tears escaped as she shivered out a silent cry whilst glaring at her umber soaked hand. Wobbly legs took her towards the black cami dress she had shredded during a heat of passion. She cursed herself at the thought. Her sheer naivety had led her down an alley of torture and trauma.

A crumbled note, now stained with blood, trembled like an autumn leaf in her hand. Straining her feeble legs once more towards the black object, she retrieved her phone.

Her digits scrambled in a panicked frenzy whilst she looked back and forth between the two items in her hands. _Please pick up, please pick up._ What would she even say? She didn't even think she could muster enough words to string a coherent sentence, let alone enough to explain a situation she didn't even quite understand. Regret pranged deep inside her stomach. _It's my own fault this happened. It's my own fault i like to dress gross people up pretty. It's my own fault i choose to collect bad people like charms on a bracelet._

Before she could rewind her actions, a foggy voice on the other end of the line answered. "Hello." 

 


	5. Bookends Theme

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title: Bookends theme // Simon and Garfunkel.

A blaring ring tone pierced through Misty and Cordelia's bedroom in the depth of dusk. Scrambling her limbs out of her lover's firm hold to snooze what she assumed was her alarm, Cordelia reached over to the booming device. However upon adjusting hazy eyes to the dazzling object, she realised the alarm she intended to delay, was in fact a foreign number.

Misty sat up from her comfy but light slumber when she heard her girlfriend mutter a faint Hello into her phone.

"Hello, hi Cordelia is that you?" A rushed hushed voice panted into the receiving end.

"Yes, this is she." She yawned, her bearings still calibrating. She hesitated. _Oh my god, Lou._ "Lou?"

Misty's ears perked at the sound of the young brunette's name.

"Yeah, it's me." A small wail slipped out of the whining voice like an infant who had been told they have to go to bed. "I don't know what to do, i didn't know who else to call, oh my god what else is he going to do to me." She rambled unintelligibly as if it was just registering to her what had happened. She gasped as she threw a trembling hand over her mouth.

"Hey...hey calm down honey -i can't understand what you're saying. Just breathe." The older blonde faintly heard heavy but stable breathing on the other end of the line. "That's it, in and out - in and out." She felt slender fingers lock themselves onto her bicep in worry as she continued to converse with the young girl. "Now, where are you?"

"I-I'm not sure exactly. But i met this guy Blu, well i guess not Blu, but - but a guy and we came back here. He said it was heaven but it wasn't heaven and now i'm bleeding and he's in the shower, and what's he gonna do to me when he gets out? Oh my god how could i have been so stupid."

Misty couldn't for the life of her decipher what the panicked girl on the line scrambled, however Cordelia's hasty clamber off the bed to throw on a pair of sweatpants and hoodie signalled that she should probably follow.

Cordelia on the other hand had experience with Schizophrenic patients, who when in the depth of an episode, had more disorganised speech than a baby learning it's first words. _Guy. Bleeding. What's he going to do to me. She's hurt, he hurt her._ "Lou are you in a house?"

"An apartment block i think." She stuttered, her voice still accompanied with a strangled whine. "It's open. It's not one of them fancy ones."

"Okay, okay good. Is there anything around you that might have an address on it? A letter maybe?"

"I don't know." An fully grown sob managed to escape the trembling lips this time. "I'm so scared. I don't think i can move."

"Hey, shh. It's okay, it's going to be okay. You got this. I'm not going to let him hurt you okay, i'm here." _Please god, let me live up to that promise._ A shaky hum affirmed her. _Call the police_ , she mouthed to her lover.

"There's a, there's a letter." a drop of hope rinsed its blood on her tongue. "42 Oakfield Estate."

"Okay, that's great. Good girl. It's going to be okay. Just hold tight, we're on our way with the police okay?"

Panic rose into the brunette's voice once again when she heard the shower head silence itself. She spoke with an almost inaudible hush "Oh my god, he's coming out the shower." She resided to a small crook in the corner of the bedroom where her black dress lay.

"Hello, police please." A similar alarmed voice beckoned into a separate device besides Cordelia. "I need to report an assault at 42 Oakfield Estate." Misty wrung her spare hand hard into her pyjama top, knuckles losing all colour. In the distance, Cordelia continued to reassure a whimpering girl with honeyed words all the while searching for her car keys.

"Yes, it's a young girl, i'm not sure what's happened but i know she's hurt. No i'm not on the scene. My girlfriend and I are about to head over there. Okay, please get there quick." Once hanging up the phone, Misty also threw on a sweatshirt and the nearest footwear she could find in her hysteria before she followed Cordelia out the front door in a silent hurry.It was only when the pair settled themselves into the car, she realised she was crying. _I said she was going to be okay._ _I didn't think the world could be so cruel in one night._ She bashed herself at her bad judgement.

Somewhere between the delirium of the past ten minutes, the curly haired blonde neglected to realise her girlfriend was no longer on the phone with the teenager. "Lou?" She stumbled. "Where did Lou go?"

"I had to let her go." A hiss of breath escaped Cordelia's heavy lungs as she pressed her foot a little too strongly on the accelerator. "He was coming."

"What happened to her Dee?" Misty whimpered after a muted silence.

"I don't know." She alternated her head between the road and the quaking woman beside her. "But you have to be prepared okay? We can't scare her."

Clammy hands caught the dripping snot that poured out of the Cajun's nose. Her rings had become looser with the sweat that managed to collect under them. "I really thought she was going to be okay."

It was now Cordelia who became the steadier one of the pair. She used her free hand to move a wispy knot out of her girlfriend's eyes in a plea to reassure her. _If she touches me one more time, i think i might throw up my lungs in distress and climb into her lap._

"There's no way you could have known baby. It isn't your job to beat yourself up over this." She received a watery smile that didn't reach the eyes, accompanied by a unsure nod. "What did the police say?"

"They said for us not to go in there before them. To wait in the parking lot behind the back."

"They'll probably get there before us anyway." _God, what i would give to own a siren right about now._

******************************************************************************************************************************

Intensifying light struck the dim room Lou cowered in like lightning tearing a branch off an oak tree. Steam fled through the bathroom door way like mist in a Stephen King novel. A freshly showered figure wrapped in a white towel strided through the mess on the bedroom floor. _Maybe if i can steady my hands, he will forget i'm here._

"Well you're a sight for sore eyes." He smiled, as if the pair were meeting again for the first time. He wore the same look as he did on the bench, only now his eyes appeared more beady than alluring. He chuckled to himself as he climbed into a new pair of boxer briefs.

Lou watched her betrayer like he was in a TV screen; eyes glued with as much distance as possible. _They'll be here soon. Hold tight she said. I just need to told tight._

Blu acted as if he'd just came back from a winter stroll, completely ignoring the young girl who sat in an upwards fetal position, trembling, and clinging her naked body to a thin sheet like it had been sewed onto her skin.

_Huh, Blu. Blu and Green make Brown. Brown like the mud that my mother would dig out my nails with tweezers; Brown like the pennies i would find on the pavement and store in my dungarees; Brown like the shoes my mother swore were my fathers until she got drunk one night and told me they actually belonged to an ex boyfriend. I don't think i like our names so much anymore._

A loud knock on the door startled Lou out of thought. _They're here. They actually came._ Glittering eyes concentrated on the craven haired man as he strolled towards the door. _This is it. It's over._ If it wasn't for the pain between her legs that burdened her body to the ground like an anchor, Lou thought she might just spring for joy.

Only, the bangs weren't repeated. There were no calls from the other side of the door signalling that it was the police. Infact, there was an eerie silence in the room, completely incongruous to what she imagined it would be like. Who ever stood behind that door did not want to be heard.

Whispers and a hushed chuckle filled the white noise as the door creaked open. Three men all clad in black raced themselves into the studio apartment, Blu shutting the door behind them. _No no no no._

The men studied the young girl on the floor, who had somehow managed to shrivel up her body even more so since they had entered. They gauped at her like customers in a seafood restaurant choosing their lobster. Their open mouthed smirks made them look like they were drooling at the meat they had been offered, and their eyes like hungry wolves who hadn't had a good meal in a hot minute.

_When was the last time i breathed? When was the last time i blinked?_

"She's beautiful." One said as he played with a gold band on his ring finger.

"Didn't take too much encouraging either did you darling." If the events of the night hadn't occurred, Lou might have been enticed by the cheeky grin Blu had on display.

Blu looked shorter now standing next to the other men. They all had stocky figures and hands like gorillas. One crouched down infront of the shuddering brunette and cupped her chin. "No need to be scared princess." Lou could taste the last meal he had on his breath.  _Tuna casserole._ His teeth looked like a shark's who'd had a run in with something steel.  _His hands feel like sandpaper._ "If you're a good little girl, we won't make you scream too much."

She wished her spit were holy water so she could perish the four demons, but all she could do was vibrate a small wail that held strong resemblance to a kazoo. A calloused thumb shoved it's way into her mouth like a dummy into a crying infant.

Hues of blue and red pierced through Lou's closed eyelids. A pack of shrieking voices ringed through ears covered with oily hair. The thumb lodged in her mouth ripped out like an old daffodil bulb, her teeth grazing on the root. She felt as though her soul had left her body and she was watching herself from the ceiling above, the herd of people surrounding her moving like a flip book.

One cold palm touched the side of her bicep and she winced like she'd fallen onto hot coal. Another hand breezed across her breastbone to cover her modesty with a thin sheet, something her weak ones had abandoned to do. Two more gently cupped each side of her quivering jaw, each bumpy with bands of steel. Muffled echoes twisted into clear voices as the young brunette sought her bearings.

One voice jittered "You're okay. It's okay. You're going to be okay." Like a song of praise. The other: "Lou, can you open your eyes? It's okay, you can open your eyes now."

_My eyes are closed?_

Lou opened them like a child trying to open curtains. Turquoise tones greeted her, and for a minute she thought she were a rag-doll lost at sea.

The bright shades lost focus when small red lips near them spoke. "See it's okay, we're here now. We've got you." _I think her hands are keeping my head attached to my body._ "Lou, Lou can you hear us?" Another voice chimed, and she shifted her gaze to the woman holding her back steady. _Okay so she's got my head, and this one has the rest of me. Were my bones always this flimsy?_

"She's in shock." The older blonde stated as she rounded her body behind the brunettes, allowing the dainty girl to drift her weight onto her chest. "Dee, she's bleeding." A pale hand touched the browned sticky liquid that had seeped through the linen.

A man sporting a florescent green jacket squatted on the ground infront of the trio. Lou buried her head Cordelia's chest, anticipating an attack. _She smells like the vanilla candle we used to have on the fireplace._ Feminine hands stretched its palms over her face in response. "It's okay Lou. It's just the paramedic. He's not going to hurt you." She blew into the tangled knots of matted hair.

"Hi Lou, I'm Charlie. I'm just here to help you." His voice sounded friendly enough, but nonetheless the brunette's knuckles hooked themselves onto Cordelia's sweatshirt as if he was there to throw her off a ship. "She's, she's bleeding." A southern accent intervened.

"Okay Lou. Can you tell me where you're hurt?" A sob escaped trembling lips, tears turning a patch of the white hoodie grey. Scraggy hair shook left and right like a dog trying to rid itself of fleas.

The two women shared a look with the friendly gentleman before he spoke next. "Okay, we need to take you to hospital to get you checked out. Do you think you can stand up?"

After no answer followed his question, Misty imposed. "Hey Lou." She tried to gather some frizzy hair out of sweaty eyes. "The doctors just want to make sure you're alright. If we just go to the hospital for a little while to double check you're not too badly hurt, then they'll leave you alone, yeah?"

Lou squeaked a small "okay" before Cordelia helped her rise to her feet. Misty stood facing the brunette, arms out like she was helping a toddler take their first steps. A baggy sweatshirt was placed over her head smoothly as the fine fabric hiding her nudity dropped down into a puddle on the floor, leaving Misty's torso covered by just a t- shirt.

A symphony of hisses and cringes purged out the young girl as the two women either side of her assisted her into the cold air. Dawn greeted Lou like a slap in the face, her pupils shrivelling to pins. _How long have i been in there?_

Cordelia kept her hands sturdy to the teenager's back as the pair stepped into the ambulance. Misty turned herself south. "I'll meet  
you guys at the hospital, okay? I'll ring you when i get there." 


	6. Cloudbusting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title: Cloudbusting // Kate Bush.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> I wanted to have the first few chapters building up my original character as much as possible, hopefully making you want to root for her. I have lots of good ideas for future chapters of this story, more involving how Misty and Cordelia developed their relationship, alongside them bonding with Lou and helping her overcome some tough things. Happy reading!

Angry constellations of yellowing bruises burned as affirming hands scooped Lou up from the ambulance as if she were a generous serving of Rocky Road. Tired eyes flickered through the restlessness puddling her view, yearning for a familiar face. The concentrated gaze from a man with bold black eyebrows met her view as she felt her flimsly legs touch dry ground. A sweep of blonde hair rushed past him to help steady her. "It's okay. I'm here."

Interlocking her trembling fingers with Cordelia's, Lou spoke a small grunt. "Everybody's going to see me." Thick tears trickled down her paled face.

"They'll get you in quick, don't you worry about that." Freshly manicured hands pushed a soggy lop of hair out of the brunette's eyes.

The hospital ER homed few patients in the sunrise of Saturday morning. Overly intoxicated party goers scattered out in the waiting room, mostly suffering from some sort of superficial injury. A few other patients, who had obviously suffered an unfortunate incident during the night, spread amongst them. Lou strained to look as comfortable as possible as she and the posse that accompanied her pitched themselves across to an empty room a few hundred metres shy of the entrance. _Maybe if they give me enough morphine, i can convince myself the empty beer bottles on the floor are flowers ready to be thrown at me when i make my debut at the pageant._

"Okay Lou, just sit yourself down on the bed, and the nurse will be here soon." Short limbs collapsed upwardly on the spring pad. Cordelia muttered a light Thank you to the man leaving the room. A slight weight dented a chunk of the mattress beside her as the blonde sat down. Cordelia watched the shrunken figure play with the hem of her girlfriend's sweatshirt like it was the last thing she owned. It took all her power not to crumble and smother all the hurt out of the brunette, instead she revised a plan of action in her head like a round of Hail Mary's. _Right. Compose yourself. What would you do in a professional situation._ "Can i get you anything Lou? A glass of water? a blanket?"

A shy sniffle accompanied with a tired shake of a head answered her. A short muted silence followed before the young girl spoke. "A shower."

A hymn of shame bled from Lou as she muttered her sentence. Cordelia wrenched a deep sigh as if someone had punched her in the gut. A sheepish hand took home in Lou's hair once again. _A blind person would think she has feathers instead of nails._ She leaned into the touch momentarily but it wasn't long before shame showed it's greedy eyes, The feathers dancing on her scalp now made her feel like a dirty door handle that had been touched by countless strangers. _All you've ever done is give the wrong parts of yourself to people, and then blamed them for something you offered._

 _She wants to wash him off of her._ "Can you look at me Lou?" The hard eyes that met her wept of exhaustion. _Did she have those rings when i met her last night?_ "You didn't do any thing wrong. You didn't deserve what happened to you. You don't need to feel ashamed for something you couldn't have stopped."

"I stopped screaming." She stuttered over her words as she continued to tremble. "I didn't even try to fight him off." Hazy eyes wondered back to the now frailed hem of the sweatshirt that covered up to her thighs. She bashfully hesitated. "Do you think that maybe he thought i liked it? Maybe if i had just screamed one more time, he would have stopped. Maybe if I -."

"No Lou. He knew what he was doing. There's no I in this. He hurt you. He took advantage of you. He takes the blame for this." When she was given nothing but a light squeal in response, Cordelia continued. "Fight, flight, or freeze." A confused glance peeped up at her like a puppy who had heard a foreign command. "When our body is put through a trauma, we react in one of those three ways. The neurotransmitters in our brain send a signal to our nervous system, and then we react accordingly. It's out of our control. You can't beat up your mind for something your brain is trained to do to protect you."

A sarcastic chuckle escaped voluminous lips. "Why couldn't my brain just choose Fight this one time?"

Before Cordelia could finish scanning her brain for an answer to the dry question, a light knock echoed from the other side of the door. Lou gestured an affirmative nod to the blonde, and in turn the older woman beckoned a small "Come in."

A nurse clad in baby blue scrubs manoeuvred her plump body through a small crack in the door frame. Cordelia stood up in greetance after carefully rubbing the brunette's thigh in reassurance. "Hi, you must be Lou." She motioned to the young girl crumbled upwards on the mattress, back hunched and ankles crossed like an elderly woman. "I'm Charlotte. I'm just here to carry out a brief exam on you before the police come to get your statement."

"Cordelia." The blonde formally introduced herself and held out her hand for the stout nurse to shake. She continued to stand by the bedside, clammy hands wrestling one another's palms.

The nurse spoke nonchalantly as she busied her way around the room, fetching utensils and such before perching her backside on a spinning chair to shimmy her hands in blue gloves. "Not so busy around here at this time of the morning, but i'm sure we'll pick up in no time." She sang the sentence as though she was excited for the ER to fill with sick patients, tying off the latter of the statement with a jolly chuckle. _Is this woman for real?_ Cordelia observed. She silently scoffed, and gazed upon the young brunette who she expected to share the same face of terror, but instead noticed she was too busy goggling at the transparent zip lock bag, filled with sample tubes that Charlotte had placed clumsily on a tray next to her.

"What - what are they for?" Lou's question confirmed Cordelia's suspicion.

"Well we need to take some samples off your body. Any semen, blood, pubic hair ecetera. Then i'll hand it over to the police before they come in to take your statement."

"It's okay Lou. She won't hurt you, and i'll be here the whole time." The dry and somewhat frolic tone of the topic amazed the blonde. _How am i better at bedside manners than a damn nurse?_ She bit back the sour remark, instead positioning herself on a stool on the opposing side of the small bed.

Lou gulped and crossed her hands in her lap. "Of course i won't hurt you sweetie." Her smile was almost sickening, the words twisting out of her mouth like a foul smell. _I don't even think i have any stomach lining left inside me to puke._ "I just need you to pop this on, and put all the clothes you're wearing in this bag." her calloused hands held one of the zip lock baggies and a hospital gown. The grin she wore like a tired beauty queen gave her crows feet as she motioned her head to the bathroom of the secluded room. Lou decided that she was too exhausted to spit any hostility. A soft smile laced with pity shone her way from the older blonde as she accepted the unwanted gifts. "Come on, let me help you up."

Her legs shook like a baby deer on ice skates as she winced towards the restroom. The older blonde held open the door for her. "Do you need any help?" Lou shook her head instantly. "Okay well, call if you need me." _I think I've been needy enough for one night._

The bathroom light fizzed loudly from the ceiling. The yellowing light unhelpfully exaggerated the brunette's injuries. _God, have i always looked this dreadful?_ Reaching her arms around the back of the gown to tie the knot, Lou continued to hiss and grimace like it had become the hook to her new favourite song. She avoided any eye movements towards the mirror plagued infront of her like a taunting demon. The tiles on the ground were chipped, and looked stained with nicotine. _They couldn't take me to a fancier hospital after all that._ She hurried her way to the doorknob once she was clothed as dignified as possible, and would have been relieved for the sudden change in dimness if she wasn't standing like a incompetent imbecile infront of three strangers.

"Hi, Lou. I hope you don't mind that i came in. I can leave if you like." Misty made her presence known.

"No, it's fine." She tried to sound as cheery as possible, but a look of numbness had engraved itself on her face.

The exam was as treacherous as Lou expected it to be. Her legs parted uncomfortably on the rest as Nurse Charlotte poked and prodded her tools around in her most intimate areas. Waves overflowing with humiliation and shame made their home in the brunette's organs. _That 500 feet drop sounds pretty comfy right about now._ She tried her best to steer her mind from the pain and trauma that soaked itself over her sweaty body. She noticed the two women on either side of her sharing worried looks with one another inbetween cooing uplifting affirmations into her ears. Her eyes stapled themselves open to escape horrifying images of Blu hauling his greasy body on top of hers; she held her breath to escape the smell of the sheen that poured out of his skin. _I always wanted a jawline like Natalie Portman, perhaps clenching it this hard will do the job._

"Okay, there's a slight tear in your vaginal wall - that's the source of the bleeding. I'm just going to put a few stitches in the area. It may sting." Lou gasped a deep breath as she felt as though a cheese grater had been let loose on her genitals. "Yeah, no shit." She grunted, her eyes now unable to stay open. 

Misty could almost feel the pain radiating off the young girl, the fist free from stroking her hair clenched in unison. She noticed her legs twitched as she struggled to keep still, her breath hiccuping at every stitch. _Oh, Lou_. "Lou, look at me darling." The pet name brought her gaze to the Cajun instantaneously. She bound her pale hand to the brunette's, interlocking them together like fresh lava rocks. She held the girl's other hand to her own chest. "Can you feel my heartbeat?" _I think it might be beating faster than hers._ Lou nodded. "Okay, good. Now count the beats. One...two...three." The young girl joined in simultaneously . "That's it. That's good. Keep counting them. Breathe." Cordelia counted along also, and for a few seconds they sounded like a very strange A Capella group.

A sharp prod in her nether regions ceased the counting and she cried out a loud snarl of pain, her limbs detaching paler ones, and her gaze shifting back towards the ceiling. "Hey, hey. it's okay. Come back to me." She carefully guided her trembling jaw back. "You can do this. You're being so brave Lou. It won't be much longer now darling."

 _Darling._ The way it purred from Misty's tongue like a cat stroking itself against a post settled the young brunette in way she couldn't describe. She thought of the daises on her mother's yellow dress. The fresh spring pollen that swam around the air in the garden of her childhood home. Her mother's smile when she told her that she managed to sell a whole jug of lemonade that day. _She could have been a Covergirl_. How her hair smelt like ripe mangoes when she nuzzled herself against her tiny body. "I'm so proud of you darling." _She looks like my mom before the world wrapped it's ugly arms around her._

"That's it. All done." Lou heard the nurse conclude her work, but her sedated body fixated on the azure iris's infront of her that glistened like a stained glass window. Her heart rate had steadied that much, she wondered if it was even still beating. She noticed how tears had collected in the corners of Misty's lips, and how they sparkled like she was wearing a gloss.

She felt as though she had been bind to a honeysuckle vine and she didn't want to untie herself. It was only when Cordelia tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, she withdrew from the trance. "You did so well Lou."

Once the nurse had drained her of a disturbing amount of blood for tests, Lou relaxed her head on the limp pillow that snuggled itself on the hospital bed. She heard hushed whispers from the other side of the room where the other three women had resided to. _I just want to rest my eyes for two minutes. They feel like fucking glass._

She was interrupted by a southern voice. "Hey, Lou." It was as smooth as honey, and she spoke like there was a sleeping baby next to her that she didn't want to wake. "The police need to talk to you about what happened." Groaning for what she felt like the millionth time that night, Lou picked her upper body off the mattress.

"I know this is going to be hard for you, but i also know that you can do this." Cordelia softly smiled as she joined the pair.

Green eyes that had stained to look like raw mint pleadingly looked up at brown ones. _I just want to shower._ She had never felt so vulnerable and afraid, something that had been hard to beat so far. At the same time there was a confusing feeling of homeliness; she was cutting her feet on sharp gravel, but there was a bandage at the end of the track waiting for her. _I just want to shower._ Her eyes wondered around the exposed skin on her body in distress. She felt lathered in dirt and thick grit.

 _She's looking at herself like there's leeches attacking her body._  Cordelia observed. _Wait, a shower. She wanted a shower._ "Why don't i ask the police if they'll wait for you to take a shower?" Lou's quivering lips nodded furiously alongside the rest of her whilst her tears made maps of her cheeks.

Once again, she spent as little time in the bathroom as possible. Not only was it in competition with her dirty skin, but it was becoming difficult to stop herself from roaming over all parts he had hurt.

Outside, Misty and Cordelia paced around the box room like a couple of nervous family members waiting for their loved one to come out of major surgery. "How did this happen, Dee? This night it- it feels like a dream." 

"Try a fucking nightmare." The older blonde held a bitter taste in her mouth which had accumulated from the disgust she formulated over the last few hours, and now it was spreading into her words.

Misty grounded herself by caressing both of her lover's hands. "I don't want her to leave here on her own Dee. I can't stop thinking about her getting hurt." Her girlfriend wrapped her up in a comforting embrace just as she lost her reserve. "We won't let that happen baby." She drew large circles on her back. "Something tells me she might just take us up on the offer this time." She nuzzled herself in Misty's thick mane of hair, unsure of whether she was doing it for her own comfort or the latter.

Breathing in Misty's scent had always grounded the blonde. She always smelt like fresh summer rain. Infact, her walking into her life felt like the much needed rain during the hot months aswell.

Lou had opted to speak to the police in a different room. She had been given an unused pair of scrubs by another one of the nurses on shift. Talking to them inside the secluded room made her feel icky and exposed, and in a peculiar way, she convinced herself that she would look more composed and less damaged in a professional environment. Cordelia and Misty seemed eager to stay with the brunette during the questioning, and Lou's scepticism showed it's array of ugly colours. She sat cross examining their motives whilst she waited for the policeman to sort through paperwork infront of her, the two women on trail on either side of her. _Why would they want to stay with me?_ Worthlessness submerged her body. _They've been my arms and legs tonight, but why?_

Each time the policeman interrogated her story, Lou felt all the places Blu had touched burn like fireworks being thrown at her body. Each time she had to speak the name she had christened him, action potentials shot down her neurons like fairies who had been slipped tabs of acid. She spewed out the abuse she had suffered like it was poison that was continuously being injected into her veins. Then when it over, she wished she could bury herself in the dark side of the moon where not even a atom could hurt her again.

"Thank-you Lou, I know that must have been hard to do. if you could just leave us a contact number, we'll be in touch. You're free to go home."  
  
_Home? Free?_ Two words the young brunette couldn't comprehend as real things. She sat staring at the particles fluttering in the blank air as the police left the room, her eyes heavy, her frail body swaying like a drunk sailor.

"Hey. You did really well there sweetheart." Cordelia's voiced lingered somewhere in the white noise. "You really did Lou. I don't think i could've done what you did there." Misty's southern accent burned somewhere alongside it. Her accent seemed to get thicker when she was stressed.

A small "Thanks" whistled it's way between them, but the reply was mostly engulfed by the young brunette staggering her torso. The pair looked towards eachother in concern, both of their brows furrowing, creating twin crease lines. Their eyes danced in a silent conversation.

"Lou....." A droopy face turned towards Cordelia. "Misty and I really don't like the idea of you going home on your own right now. Do you think that you might want to come back with us, even if it's just for you to have a rest?" _She words things so much better than me._ If it was Misty who had been nominated to speak, she feared that she would have got on her hands and knees until the girl agreed to go back with them.

Between being up for more hours than she cared to count; her body aching so much she thought an amputation might cheer it up a bit; and the vivid flashbacks that clouded all the logic her brain once had, Lou had lost the ability to think too deeply about the proposition. _Just go. Just go there to sleep. Just a few hours._ She felt her brain dozing off at the thought of a comfy slumber. "Okay."


	7. Tangled up in Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title: Tangled up in blue // Bob Dylan.

The trio of women arrived back at Misty and Cordelia's home a few minutes shy of noon. The car ride back was somewhat restless; the two older women chasing stolen glances in the rear view mirrors to monitor the young girl in the backseat of the convertible.Their hands slid together lazily, as if to say "I love you. I need to be close to you right now. But this is the only way my body is letting me."

The frail brunette behind them sunk her slewed body into the leather seats like she were a plate of melting jello; back keeled over, fingers scraping into the chair. She dug them so hard, Misty noticed faint scratch marks where they had imprinted themselves.

The small talk was almost unbearable. Between Misty trying to hum a faint tune that played statically on the radio to brighten the atmosphere, and Cordelia attempting to distract Lou from the horror she had endured by asking her simple questions involving what she did for work; if she went to school; what sort of music she liked (to all of which she received dry answers, indicating that she wanted to be left alone). The only real indication that the young girl was even still breathing would be when every so often a sore wince of pain would purge out of her mouth, and even then she tucked it away so quickly that it would have been easy to have mistaken it for a mirage.

"So this is the living room, the fireplace is over there; the TV is pretty easy to figure out." Cordelia showboated their home to the brunette as if she were a realtor looking for a reasonable offer.

Misty staggered behind the two others, listening intently as if she didn't live there. _She's nervous. She only rambles like this when she's nervous._ The older blonde used arm movements to convey her words to the dull audience to stop her hands wringing themselves on her thighs. She got a few nods of the head from brown ratty locks. "And if we go in here.... this is the kitchen. If you're hungry please don't hesitate to help yourself."

Cordelia noted that her girlfriend nodded along to her statement like she was talking directly to her. If the situation hadn't been so not funny, she may have laughed at her lover's cute weariness. _I'm talking to a pair of zombies._

Lou wanted so bad to look like a good house-guest. She wished she had an incline of energy to make conversation. She didn't want to come across as rude or ungrateful for the hospitality, but everytime she went to compliment the bohemian decor that laced through the living space, a lump of coal lodged itself in her voice box and dared her to speak. _Why do strangers always say that? It's your kitchen, no matter how many times you tell me to help myself, i am not going to open your cupboards and take your things._ She quieted her head for the snarky remark.

The young brunette lagged as the trio heaved up the staircase at first, but after some light encouragement, she allowed Misty to assist her weakening limbs.

"And this is the guest bedroom. This is where you can rest." Cordelia concluded her tour on a bland note.

 _One of the kindest ladies I've ever met, but a shit tour guide. Perhaps i'm a shit touree._ "Thanks." she mumbled.

In her dazed state, Lou allowed her nimble fingers to grace the white surfaces of the ornamental furniture, absentmindedly tracing patterns of the intricate designs that dressed them. The bed looked comfy enough. It was covered with a matching white silk sheet, a cotton blanket draped towards the bottom. There was something about the cleanliness of the room which made Lou feel dirty. The sheen that glistened off the mirror, the windows, even the walls looked freshly painted. _Did they do this knowing that they were expecting a guest?_ She closed her eyes and saw nothing but wet mushy mud spewing from her veins the second her body touched the crisp sheets. Her body shivered at the thought.

"Are you alright Lou?" A high pitched southern voice dangled in the air.

For yet another time that night (or day for that matter) the young girl opened her chest and let her heart fall on the floor, free for anyone to stamp on. Her eyes wore her tears like a rain mac. "Please may i take a shower?" She gulped.

The two older women retired to their slumber once they had shown Lou how to use the shower. Daylight poured through the stain-glassed window in the master bedroom, that Misty had spent two whole days painting whilst her lover was away on business. She thought back to the surprise and softly smiled. Cordelia had gushed her rosy cheeks, and Misty swore to this day, she saw tears in those brown eyes. From that moment on, it was a rare moment for the curtains to be left closed. There was a point where the Cajun had halfheartedly regretted painting them when the sun was extra blaring one summer, and she would be awakened by tangerine flickers every morning at 5am promptly. But Cordelia had insisted they were "Too grand" to be kept out of sight.

She lightly traced short fingernails over the detailing on the rouge flowers all the way down to their green legs. Two angels with blonde hair danced at the centre of the piece. _It's supposed to be us in paradise._ She remembered saying nervously when she unveiled her work.

Her light smile swiftly dropped as she closed the white satin, hiding the pair away from the normality that clunked outside of their house.

"Do we set an alarm?" Cordelia mumbled hazily once they had both buried themselves under the duvet. Cordelia was a woman of routine, and it was fair to say that the last 12 hours had been anything but.

A heap of curly hair straddled her shoulder as her girlfriend buried her slim face in the crew of her neck. "I don't know about you, but i think my body will be more than enough of an alarm clock." Soft hands caressed her chin. The older blonde ducked her head slightly, and captured her girlfriend's lips in a tender kiss.

A few silent minutes past before a voice dressed in an innocent tone spoke again "What do we do when we wake up?"

Unable to scramble her heavy brain for a sensible answer, a faint "I don't know babe." gushed its way out of Cordelia's mouth.

Misty seemed to be able to pass out without much delay; she had always held the convenient gift of being able to fall asleep anytime, anywhere - even if her mind wanted to run a mile a minute. Cordelia however, was never so lucky. She needed routine. she needed to do her nightly rituals and allow her body time to unwind before drifting off. Now, not only was she trying to force herself to sleep at a time she hadn't rested at since her early twenties, but she also had a running account of the last several hours playing on a loop in her head like an irritating infomercial. _Not much of a lullaby._

Her eye balls continued to flicker restlessly behind closed lids. Every so often, she'd hear the exhausted voice of Lou trying not to break down during her police interview.

"Okay then Lou. Just Lou is it?"

"Yes."

"Okay Lou. This conversation is going to be voice recorded for evidence in a court of law, do you accept?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Try your best to answer as many questions in as much detail as possible. If you need to stop the interview for any reason, just say and we'll take a short break."

"Okay."

"Tonight you were brought into Stonegate Hospital with multiple injuries following an attack at 42 Oakfield Estate. Can you explain what events concurred leading up to that point?"

"Well, I was just walking... i don't know where, any place i guess.... then i sat down and this guy approached me. He was so nice. He seemed so nice."

Cordelia remembered seeing red raw eyes fluttering around the table they were all sat, trying to avoid stable contact. Her chest ached every time she thought of how the detective would continuously urge the young girl to continue anytime she would hesitate on a sentence, and then how Lou would profusely apologise as if this was all one big inconvenience.

"Lou, i know this is hard but i need you to tell me everything this man did to you."

"I know, i'm sorry. I'm trying to remember everything, but i don't think we talked much. I hadn't had a good day and i just wanted to feel something you know. So i let him take me back to his. I was planning to you know, have sex with him.. like normally."

"And is that not what happened?"

"It started off that way, but before i knew it, he was just hurting me.. and he liked it? God no, he fucking loved it. This obviously wasn't the first time he'd hurt someone like this."

"Did he know you wanted to stop?"

"Yes! I was screaming, telling him that i didn't like it. But he didn't care."

"When did he stop?"

"When he finished."

"You mean ejaculate?"

"Yeah. That."

The older blonde fell into slumber somewhere in the middle of the exclusive horror show that projected in her head.

The pair woke up some time during late afternoon, only a few hours after they had retired. Misty was the first. She briefly forgot everything for a second, but as she ogled at the sheer satin keeping the light out, flailing like an ice skater, she helplessly sighed, oblivious to how the next few hours were going to go.

She stared at her girlfriend beneath her. If it wasn't for the frown tattooed on her forehead, she may have thought she was in bliss; her limbs securely attached around the Cajun's waist like usual. The curly haired woman nuzzled her small nose onto the cheek of Cordelia. She followed the action with a shy peck to the area, and a firm stroke to her hair. "Hey."

"Hey you." a warm hand cupped Misty's left cheek.


	8. We've Only Just Begun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title: We've only just begun // The Carpenters.

A soft breeze hurled the crisp autumn air around the living room. Lou perched herself crossed-legged on a window ledge cluttered with fluffy cushions. The perfect blend of soft cotton and lemon trickled throughout the space. This room felt more homely than the one where she attempted to rest; there wasn't enough clutter - there wasn't enough spirit. This room housed several house plants; an array of records stacked next to a patent cream player; and various pieces of furniture in contrasting colours, which on their own may have looked too quirky for their own good, but together they created life.

The air peppered huddles of goosebumps over boney knees, exaggerating the hues of red, pink, and blue-grey that marked Lou's thighs. She thought of how they would have made a good colour scheme if they weren't imprinted onto her flesh. She couldn't help but drag her nails over the fingerprint shaped bruises. _When did i start biting my nails?_

She wanted to run so badly. She wanted to leave this home she felt imperfect to, and the strangers that made her feel what could have been if the universe hadn't suffocated everyone she had loved. But she couldn't. She didn't know if it was her lack of energy from the restless two hours sleep she had just prior had, or the fact that even after everything - she still wanted to love, she still wanted to be loved.

Was it just her natural optimism that had always burned deep inside of her. Once, after her mother had downed a bottle of Merlot and a few Valium, she had spat that she was too loving for her own good. Lou burnt all her photographs that night. _Jesus Christ, i should've ended it all back then._

"Misty, i'm sure she's down here. Stop panicking sweetheart." A gentle voice descending the staircase snapped the young girl out of thought. _I guess i had to face them sooner or later._

"Hey." The older blonde smiled. Attempting not to sound too relieved as she and the curly haired Cajun approached the door way. "Get any sleep?"

"Hey." Lou forced a smile back. It didn't quite reach her eyes, but she tried. "Yeah, a little, that bed is really comfy."

It wasn't a complete lie. The whole time Lou had been striving to get some rest, she couldn't help but think of how good the memory foam that enveloped her would have felt if she hadn't been made to feel so smothered by everything around her.

Cordelia knew she wasn't telling the truth, but alas, she knew to smile and nod anyway.

"Would you like something to drink Lou?" The sickeningly sweet tone of Misty's voice still held an innocence that was timeless, even in adulthood. "We have tea, coffee, water, orange juice..."

"A tea would be nice."

Lou and Cordelia sat on wooden breakfast stalls whilst the curly haired blonde busied herself around the kitchen cupboards opposite them.

"You have a lovely house." Small talk wasn't Lou's strong suit, but she felt as though she owed it to the kind women currently housing her to be perfectly polite. She was also incredibly fed up of looking like a helpless child.

"Why thank you Darling. Me and Delia put our whole life and soul into our humble abode." Misty let out a light chuckle before biting her lip cautiously. She cursed herself in error.

Her girlfriend wearily smiled back. She too wasn't sure what level of jolly would be acceptable right now.

"Anyway, tell us something about you. What do you like to do for fun?" She continued.

Lou usually quite enjoyed being the centre of attention. She always wanted to be the lead in every school play, and the main affection of every boy in school. But suddenly she felt as though a beaming spotlight had hit her with force and had made her undress out of her skin. _Fuck, what do i like to do?_ "Um.. um." She stuttered a little more. _Just say something._ "Er.. I, I like to read? And er.. I like.. I like to write." _That's it, now more._ "I like music, old music. And I like to drive. I like to drive listening to old music."

Cordelia's face evolved a radiant smile as the young girl spoke. However somewhere inbetween her heart still sank for the lost soul that sat next to her, hands between her legs as if subconsciously shielding them from the predators wanting to take the small pinch of chastity she had left. _Oh, Lou._

Two thick patches of blush crept themselves onto bronzed cheeks as Lou finished her sentence. _At least my heart has stopped beating so fast._

"Well, by the sounds of that - we're all going to get along pretty well." Cordelia reassured.

Misty laughed for real this time, hesitation not showing it's ugly face. "We sure are!"

The young girl looked down to her feet and smiled shyly. "What about you guys? I can't remember what you do, i'm sorry."

"That's okay! Well I'm an Abnormal Psychiatrist, and Misty is a private art teacher."

"Wow, you guys seem to have it all." She cleared her throat, bashing herself at how presumptuous she must have sounded. "I didn't mean it like that, I just.." She tried not to huff too loud.

"Its okay, i guess we do have it good." The curly haired blonde interrupted lightly. She still managed to house a humble tone to her voice. 

"And you will too Lou." Cordelia chimed. "You're nineteen. You're whole life is ahead of you, and whatever awful, awful, things have happened to you, you didn't deserve them. But i can tell they've only made you into the strong young woman you are today, and will continue to be." The older blonde placed the soft palm of her hand onto the young girl's one, polish now drastically chipped, but nails pristinely clean from the two showers she had had in the past few hours.

Like at the diner the trio visited just several hours before, Lou let her hold linger there too. She thought of how much terror she would have avoided if she had just gone with the women then. She shut her brain off the thought before more than a few stray tears could escape.

"Hey.. hey." The Cajun leaned over the counter to wipe the sticky wetness off her cheeks.

Misty's lanky fingers were batted away softly so Lou could compose herself. _Get it together._ "I don't wanna cry again." She whispered.

Cautious and pitiful looks were shared between the two eldest women. "How would you feel if we were to ask you to stay here for a while" Cordelia started.

Before Lou could finish shaking her head and rolling her eyes dismissively, she persisted.

"Just until you get back on your feet. What happened to you last night Lou isn't something anybody could deal with on their own. And before that, it's not like you were fine."

The brown haired girl stared at her mug in thought. Misty bent down a little to capture her attention. "Look, you seem like such a sweet girl, and this isn't us performing charity. Let us help you Lou. For real this time."

Green eyes stared intently into blue. _Is she... going to cry or are her eyes just that blue?_ A faint nod of the head was given before a timid "Okay" left full lips.

"You're gonna do so good Lou." The older woman emphasised, gaining attention from the young girl.

Misty lightly tapped both palms flat on the counter surface and addressed her audience. "Why don't we take this day to just breathe? No pressure, just.. i don't know watch some stupid movies, eat some junk food, and get to know eachother, yeah?"

A grateful sigh left Lou's tired mouth. Her hands wrung together like a mop trying to squeeze the last droplets of water out of its cotton to stop her from squeezing the two women in a thankful embrace. "I'd like to breathe." She giggled.

"Well Misty Day, that is one of the best ideas you ever had i must say... Although Lou i must warn you, that by "junk food" she actually means vegetable based chips and hummus." She stuck her tongue out mischievously to her lover.

"Are you trying to call me a hippie Delia?" A playfully shocked gasp left her mouth.

"You bet I am."

Lou tuned out the high spirited conversation the two women were having after a while. She was so often the on-looker to other people's stories. So frequently she wished that she could be a part of the conversation, selfishly sometimes even the centre.

She'd got so used to watching others, that it became somewhat of a sick hobby. Perhaps too intrusive at points, but nonetheless a hobby. Just for a minute she wanted to enjoy what being an on-looker to Misty and Cordelia's life would be like.

They giggled like it was their own secret language; they touched eachother like they would die if they didn't; they looked like they didn't need to meet another human ever again.

But she was a part of their conversation. And for once she got to imagine what all three of them would look like to an on-looker.

The conversation seemed so natural, Lou suspected that the trio would look like a typical family enjoying their Saturday morning brew.

She commonly thought of how her life would be directed. The phases she'd gone through in her adolescent years varied. Of course, there was the infamous psychedelic 70s phase - with the blurry lenses and the soft scenery.

There was the reckless Tarantino phase, when she thought mixing Cocaine and Ketamine was the best thing since sliced bread. This usually involved her imagining every shot being full of bold primary colours, each shade representing her emotional resonance. Not to mention a soundtrack for the ages.

Her most recent exploration was a more Sofia Coppola style. She liked the sort of fucked up innocence, and the natural light, and the loneliness that came with her flicks. During her 18th year, that kind of seemed like some crazy pathetic fallacy she had manifested.

But now, in this moment, she decided her life would definitely be directed like a LifeTime movie. Nowhere as cool as the others, but sweet and naive and normal. 

Maybe she was finally on her way to find Normal. 


	9. One's on the Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I'm so glad you're enjoying this!!!!!
> 
> It's so nice to see your comments, It means a whole lot! Anyway, enjoy :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title: One's on the way // Loretta Lynn.

Just over a week had passed since Lou had reluctantly agreed to become Misty and Cordelia's newest house guest. Even though hesitant at first, there was something so blissful about waking up in a nice bed; in a nice house; in a nice neighbourhood; around nice people. It left a warm sensation in the pit of her stomach like a steaming cup of coffee on a winters eve.

There were still demons chasing after her, in both dream state and reality, but honestly - Lou couldn't remember a time where her world didn't involve some sort of trauma she was struggling to get over. Being around the two older women numbed her to a certain extent atleast for now.

"Good morning." The sleepy young girl proclaimed as she approached the two women seated at the breakfast bar, smiling over fruit bowls whilst talking about their daily plans.

"Morning Lou." They synchronised. "Up early again?" Misty continued.

Each morning at seven am sharp Lou would make her way down the staircase to have breakfast with the pair. Her sleep still restless, she would give up trying to have an uninterrupted slumber at five, and then would wait for them to finish getting ready for work so she could join them without looking like she'd been through another night of hell.

Both women had noticed this after they had heard foot steps outside of their bedroom door at six thirty, three days consecutively like clockwork.

"Yeah, i guess i'm a morning person." She forced a smile onto her puffy face.

"Well, good job you woke up; we made you coffee." Grinned Cordelia as she pointed towards the white mug they had christened Lou's.

It was the tiniest of gestures that set fireworks off in the young girl's chest. Something as small as having her morning brew already prepared, waiting for her every morning. It proved even more to her that these strangers had been more kind to her than her own flesh and blood. "Blood is thicker than water" her mother used to shout each time Lou wished to see friends, instead of spending the night peeling her drunk frame off the couch when her boyfriend of the month was with his wife. _Yeah right._ She huffed.

"So later Lou.." Misty looked to her girlfriend for an indication of support, as if she was about to propose a tricky suggestion. "We were wondering if you would want to collect some of your things from your friend's house?" It's not like it was a triggering question but nonetheless neither of the women knew if Lou even had things to collect. She had spoke little of her life before the past whirlwind of a week.

"Um yea, you guys have don't have to take me though. I'm perfectly fine going on my own. I just didn't know how long you wanted me here." A chuckle escaped nervous lips as she sipped the hot liquid.'

"Nonsense." Cordelia waved her off. "We'll take you! And you need to stop thinking we're about to kick you out of here Lou."

"Yeah! We're women of our word here." Misty brightened, attempting to keep the mood light.

"Okay. Thanks."

She was starting to run out of hand-me-downs the two women had gifted her to wear, and nothing really fit her all that well anyway. Standing at just over five foot, Lou was much more petite than either of the pair, and she was getting sick of having to constantly pull up long jeans.

 

 

 

Lou had tried to keep herself occupied during the last few days. Reading books with fascinating blurbs; harrowing through the extensive record collection that was proudly displayed in the living room; watching daytime reality TV and imagining what it would be like to live in their naive world. But nothing stuck. At some point, terror would always stick it's rear end in and take over what ever fantasy the young girl was trying to procrastinate about.

Despite this, she kept her panic attacks at bay. She kept a cool face even when alone. She even somehow managed to numb her mind from feeling Blu's dirty hands on her thighs.

"Christ, i need a job." She huffed aloud as she ran her fingers over the detailing on the bay window. _Maybe you would still have one if you didn't choose to throw yourself off a block of condos,_ _over pouring a few shots._

The landline phone blaring from the next room snapped her out of thought. She had expected it to be Misty, who had routinely called during the days. She would always make up some excuse surrounding the lines of what Lou may want for dinner, or if she needed anything picking up from the store. But Lou knew it was just her caring way of making sure she wasn't tying a noose to her neck. She liked it.

But when the young girl picked up the phone, the cheery southern voice wasn't awaiting at the other side of the line.

"Hello. This is detective Harris, may i speak to Lou Grantley?"

 _Oh fuck._ "This is she." The only time Lou had left the house over the last several days was to meet with Detective Harris. He was nice and professional, but a man just the same.

"Hi Lou, how are you doing today?" She could hear him crunching on something in the background. _Perhaps not so professional after all._

"Excellent, thankyou detective. Yourself?"

"Just the same, er listen." _That doesn't sound good._ "We have some news for you which may not be so joyful." The man paused, sensing a reaction. After he just heard a low breath, he continued. "Remember the samples we took off you the other day?"

 _No, nope. That almost slipped my mind completely actually._ She bit back the snide comment in reluctance. "Yes." She still wore a sarcastic tone.

"Well... look i won't beat around it. Your urine sample came back positive for pregnancy." _What. No._ "I'm sorry Lou." _No no no no no._ "Lou. Are you still there?"

She pulled the phone from her ear for a brief second and rubbed her sweaty hand on her forehead, a frown etching its way onto the middle of it. She collected herself in order to finish the conversation. "Yes... have you heard anything else about the case Detective?"

Stunned by her off topic question, Detective Harris scrambled his reply. "Er.. nothing since we last spoke i'm afraid Lou. We're waiting on a court date as of now."

"Okay, thankyou for calling Detective." And just like that the phone was cut off.

 _Pregnant. Okay, pregnant._ The young girl stared at her reflection in the mirror next to where she had just received the news. Her usually bronzed cheeks now looked dim and feeble, her shoulders slouched and lifeless. She lightly placed her hand, now shaking like a rock on a rumbling volcano, onto the centre of her stomach. She couldn't find it in herself to grip it like she usually would, almost fearing that the entity inside of her would stick it's tiny hand out and break her own.

"Pregnant." She finally whispered aloud.

Bile intertwined in her vocal chords as she hissed the statement into the air. Her entire body shuddered with a violent cry, her puny legs crashing towards the ground. Visions of the evil face that had burdened her with his spawn span around her head like a broken carousel. His frosty eyes grew larger each second until every lobe in her brain was covered by his haunting orbs. She pushed her broken body to the bottom of the stair well in an attempt to keep her back from keeling over.

 _Breathe. Just breathe._ She concentrated on inhaling and held her breath until her lungs hurt. _Can i breathe this thing out of me?_ She exhaled.

Suddenly her frail body was attacked by leeches of dirt. Her quivering hands grew rough and brown with hardened mud like she had been digging a grave with just her fingernails. _It's not real._ She tried to look away. _It's not real._ A wail escaped convulsing lips.

Her feet found themselves somewhere between the sheer trepidation and she leapt up the staircase furiously.

Only seconds had passed before steaming water from the shower-head poured over her face like a cursed waterfall. Realising she was still fully clad, Lou tore off the clothes she was still convinced were drenched in swamp water. Blood wept from her nailbeds as she aggressively scrubbed them.

 

 

Meanwhile, at her office in the city, Cordelia finished up on writing up notes from her patients' that day. She had always prided herself at being a professional, but the past week had really began to eat her alive. Her mind was constantly focusing on Lou. Sure, she would know how to look after the young girl if she was one of her clients, but there was no boundaries to this case. She had to face the fact that she had never had to comfort someone in her personal life who was going through such hard things.

Her cell rang in time before she let insanity take over her worries. A picture of a familiar blonde holding a bunch of blue tulips flashed on her screen. "Hey babe." She exhaled instantaneously.

"Hey pretty lady."

Even though she was alone in her office, Cordelia scanned the room for intruders before she let herself blush aloud. "Do what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Hmm nothing really. Just seeing how my girl's day is going."

"Well i can't say it's completely stress free. Yours?"

"Are you worrying about her again?" Concern interlaced itself with the southern twang.

"Mmm.. I know, when am I not, right."

A dry chuckle left the Cajun's mouth. "What is it this time?"

"I just can't keep thinking about how we can possibly help her. It's like if I suggest therapy, she shuts off. If I ask her small things about herself, she brushes them away. If I -"

"Hey." A light tone stopped her in her tracks. "Listen to what I'm about to say, and listen to it carefully. This is what you do for a living Cordelia! And you're amazing at it! Why are you getting so puzzled over this?"

A long pause drifted through the air before the older blonde produced her argument. "I can't psych her out Misty. She's not my patient. I don't think she wants to be anyone's anything."

"You don't have to walk on eggshells around her babe. She's not a demon whose gonna blow your head off everytime you ask her her favourite colour. Come on, you know that."

"You're right. You're right.... I'm just being stupid." A sweaty palm rubbed hard on it's owner's forehead.

"No, you're not. You just care and I adore that about you! Anyway, i think i have an idea."

"I love you." She pleasantly sighed. "Can I know what it is?"

The Psychiatrist could almost hear the grin developing on her lover's rosy cheeks.

"I love you so much." She sung back. "Let's get tonight over with, and then I will propose my offer."

"Sure thing."

Cordelia loved that any time her brain wires got a little knotted, her girlfriend was always there with a strong hand to un-tie them.

It was a blessing and a curse caring too much. Despite her own Mother offering less than the average bucketful of guidance and protection, the blonde had always housed strong maternal instincts. She had always thrived off helping the needy and vulnerable. She observed that this was probably because it was something she had craved since birth. 

Nevertheless, she couldn't help but feel intrigued and hopeful for what her lover had in store.


	10. Let Time go Lightly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title: Let time go lightly // Harry Chapin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!!!
> 
> I've been super busy lately, but today i had some time so I've given you a pretty lengthy chapter!
> 
> Enjoy :)

The rest of the day passed slow and long. Like a drone that wouldn't stop whining and mewling, making its angry presence known too fiercely. Lou had managed to pull herself out of the bath limply once she had figured how to stop the nasty visions hazing her lucidity, dancing around her head like a swarm of wasps. She stood infront of the bathroom mirror, now blurred with condensation, attempting to gracefully examine her naked body.

 _Pull yourself together._ Feeling dizzy again, she clawed her raw fingers onto the marble surface of the sink. _Maybe they're wrong. Maybe they're misunderstood._

She had been pregnant once before, at sixteen. It seemed so easy back then; she could snort a few lines, drink a few beers - and the feelings went away. Atleast for a while. Since these days she was attempting to face reality, she figured it would be a little harder.

 _I just have to get through today._ She made a mental list in her head: _Pick up things, come back here, and wait out quietly until tomorrow. Tomorrow i'll sort it._ She neglected to remember the two women she currently lived aside for a small moment. "Shit." she cursed aloud. _They'll know. They'll know something's off. They'll be home soon._

With all her mighty power, the young girl rinsed her puffy face with icy water from the faucet before dressing herself up pretty in order to mask the frightened skin that lay beneath.

She housed her tiny frame in thick layers, completely disregarding the sunny weather that sheltered the sky outside. One hefty brown turtle neck jumper; a pair of mid-wash denim blue mom jeans that she had to roll up profusely; and black suede brogues that were scuffed near the toes.

She investigated her appearance once more, as if she were checking for evidence of tension. Nothing she wore these days were her style. Lou loved bright colours and light fits. She loved lettuce crop tops and dungarees. But somehow the incongruity made sense to her now. _My body's no longer my own, why should my style be._

The click of the front door opening sent the young girl into a scurry. She almost pounced to lash her eyes in mascara and cake swollen lips in a chestnut rose before jogging down the staircase to greet the women.

"Hey darling." A toothy smile beamed from the Cajun. "Sorry we're a little late - rush hour traffic hit hard today."

"It's okay. I hardly noticed." A matching smile, a little too sickening, sewn itself onto Lou. She could feel her chest burning and heart beat rising from the small interaction. _Act cool Lou. It's all cool. They don't know._

"Hi Lou. Ready to go?" Cordelia shuffled into the porch, her arms carrying a yellow box full of work files.

"Yeah. All set." _Oh my god you sissy, just breathe._

Luckily neither of the women seemed to noticed her change in demeanour, too busy fumbling with bags and enjoying small talk. For once Lou extended thanks to the universe for making her invisible in this moment.

"Get up to anything interesting today Lou?" Cordelia beckoned from the room next over.

 _Oh no. She knows. Play it cool._ As she started the small trail to join the pair in the adjacent room, Lou took small leisurely steps. "Um.." _Improvise._ "Um..." _Improvise._ A knot twisted in the bottom of her bloated stomach. _Improvise you Idiot!_

The voice in her head wouldn't stop swirling it's abhorrent words around. To make matters worse, in the midst of the storm she saw Blu, cackling in a deafening whisper, as if he were about to set her skin alight with a pitchfork. Mumbling voices played somewhere in the background. _"Lou!"_ They called in high pitches.

Her own placid voice. Blu's aggressive roars. The feminine coos. It was like a fucked up symphony.

A cold hand stashed with rings held to her blazing forehead. Another set of them pushed a wooden chair behind her swaying legs. "Sit down Lou." The older blonde coerced her to the hard oak.

As her rear crashed with the contact of the surface, it all stopped. The music stopped. The palpitations didn't.

She set her view onto the curly haired blonde kneeling infront of her. She focused on the flaxen strands that looped and intertwined with shades of beige. "What happened there Lou? Where did you go?"

Cordelia handed the young brunette a glass of water before she could answer, and joined her girlfriend's level.

 _Okay. They definitely do not know._ "I'm just nervous to go get my things." She spoke in a volume just a little higher than a murmur. Almost like there was an invisible presence in the room that would call her out on her lies.

Misty looked to her girlfriend for guidance. Their eyes spoke to eachother in a sceptical haze. "Are you sure? Because we don't have to go today if you're not feeling okay." Each of Cordelia's words rinsed with sincere concern.

"Positive. I miss my things." Lou realised that was the one bit of truth she had told the women all day, and her chest ached at the realisation.

Misty searched for another answer in big green eyes, but they couldn't face her. _Must be a pretty bad place if the thought of going there knocks her sick._ "Okay. Well let's take five and let your blood pressure come back down to normal."

The young girl almost laughed at how the Cajun had assumed that her blood pressure had ever been left to be _"normal."_

Gazing at Lou, lifeless in the chair, Cordelia swore she could almost see her veins straining to breathe. She knew there was little truth to what she had said. Sure she supposed she would display a little anxiety about going back there, after all from the little Lou had confessed about the place, it didn't sound like a home where you felt safe enough to turn off the light. But not enough to send her body into chaos. _That thick jumper probably didn't help much._ The older blonde decided to not question her outfit choices in such a fragile time.

"I think i'm ready now." a soft voice spoke when she'd had enough of two pairs of eyes glued at her vulnerability.

Lou got up in a jolt and grabbed her bag. It was the only thing she had with her when she came to stay. It contained: Her mostly empty purse, her smashed up phone, a heap of crumpled receipts, a lighter without gas, and the keys to the place where she was crashing. Talk about a sad pathetic metaphor for her short life.

"Do you have the address?" Asked Cordelia as the trio packed themselves into the car.

"Yeah."

The car ride was turning out to be a hideous one. Lou could tell the women weren't asking many questions because they were frightened to spark the match for another panic attack. She took it into her own hands, hoping that the distraction would pause the other problem that was racing in her mind. "It's my friend Charlie's house."

"Yeah? How do you know Charlie?" The Cajun was the first to reply.

"I met him at a club a few years back where we'd sell. He was a lot kinder than the other guys I used to work with. He didn't wanna hurt me or take me home. He's always loved dope more than women." It wasn't at all a nice feeling to expose stories from her delinquent days, but the guilt of the lies and misconceptions of the day were eating Lou alive; she felt like she owed them something.

Cordelia was almost stunned at the blatant answer. It wasn't dressed up or misleading, two things Lou usually did when talking about herself. _She's opening up._ The Psychiatrist knew this was dangerous territory and if she wasn't careful, there was a chance of an explosion right under her feet. "Is it just him that lives there?"

"No." An amused twinkle sat on Lou's face when she thought about it. "Charlie has a lot of friends. Like I said, he's a good guy. And when you're a good guy in this world, you have a lot of people taking advantage. Most of the people come and go, but a few of the worse ones overstay their welcome. But I think Charlie likes that."

"Why?" Bistre orbs met pale ones from the driving mirror momentarily.

"Because, over everything in this world, everyone wants to feel like they're needed."

The two kept their eyes locked for as long as they could, before Cordelia had to divert her attention to the road. Her last sentence continued to loop over in the older blonde's head. She felt as though she could have cried blood at Lou's simple words, her clouded voice still braided with a slight innocence.

"Have you spoke to him?" The curly haired blonde quizzed. "Since you came here, I mean."

The young girl scoffed. "No. Charlie's always in some shooted up paradise these days. I would just live there around him time to time. When other places would get too much, even though I knew Charlie's would be pretty much the same thing, It was the place I felt most safe. The lesser of the two evils. I convinced myself that if shit went down, Charlie would magically sober up and come save the day."

Misty had turned around from the passenger seat now, an eager audience member listening to an anecdote.

Cordelia had tred water momentarily, wondering if she could possibly breach the topic of Lou's mother. _A car ride therapy session seems to be working thus far._ Before she could however, her girlfriend spoke.

"I'm sorry for how much hurt you've had to experience in your short life Lou."

Even when the curly haired blonde was sad, she usually still glowed and glimmered with buoyancy. As if to say _"Today is not okay, but tomorrow always will be."_ It was something Cordelia had deemed so magical. But today was not okay, and it showed on her lovers face like an itchy rash.

The young girl looked away shyly, scared that the deep Carolina specs in Misty's eyes would swallow her whole. "I'm still okay. I never lost the ability to glamorise what they all did to me." _I'm still finding a way to glamorise the Afreet growing inside of me._

"It's a good coping mechanism." The other blonde interrupted from the front seat. "But some day you have to face what happened to you in an ugly light."

"Not today." Lou argued, her voice lacking in fight.

"Not today." Cordelia agreed.

A fancy voice from the Sat Nav inferring that the destination was reached, closed the profound conversation between the trio.

"Is this it?" Sang a sweet southern voice.

"Yeah. This is Charlie's."

From outside, the house looked pretty typical. Cordelia had expected broken windows, a heap of mess out the front perhaps - but neither were present. Both women let Lou lead.

Inside was a different story. It looked like a movie set, in a city crack den, which had been over dramatised for impact. Smoke that could have been floating by the ceiling for weeks clouded a clear picture. There were empty dishes and plates, all stained with questionable substances, scattering across the rooms. The entire place stunk like damp mold; it leeched onto the curtains and sofa. Cordelia was sure it was going to leech onto her.

Even so, both women tried not to linger their eyes and faces too hard on the disgust. They wore neutral expressions, as not to make the young girl feel embarrassed. This was the only place she called _"home"_ for a long time.

Misty's neutral utterance accumulated to one of pity when she remembered how Lou claimed this place was where she felt the safest. _I think I might've requested a pair of new eyes from the doctor if i'd seen any other of the hell-holes she has._

Lou felt completely humiliated. It was like she had opened an entire wardrobe of skeletons today, and she was scared that she was going to have to wear them forever. Luckily, they had yet to find life in the house, and the young girl intended to keep it that way. "Here are my things." She concluded as they entered one of the bedrooms.

Lou pulled two black plastic bags out from under the bed. They wore holes and the pigment had started to fade. Nevertheless, the stuff inside was preserved. The brunette looked up to see the women standing over her and she felt naked. "Nobody takes my things if I hide them." A dry chuckle got lodged in her throat.

"Here, let me get one of them for you." Cordelia offered. _She lives her life out of trash bags. Literal fucking trash bags._ The older blonde prayed steam wasn't drifting out of her ears. The world had been so cruel - no, evil to Lou, and she wasn't sure if the young girl even knew how evil it had been. She wanted to hunt her Mother down and crucify her.

Meanwhile Misty couldn't help but notice there was no duvet on the discoloured mattress. _Oh, Lou._

"Thanks. Now let's go." The petite figure almost darted down the stairs.

"Hello." A male voice bellowed.

 _Shit. Charlie._ "It's just me Charlie. It's Lou."

A skinny man emerged from a door-frame. He was smaller than Misty, but just about taller than Cordelia. His face looked grey and gaunt, but within the tiredness of his eyes, a genuine kindness lay. "Long time no see Giggles. I was starting to get worried." He looked pleased.

"Yeah right Charlie. You probably didn't even notice I was gone."

"I did Lou. I've missed you around here." 

He looked like everything Lou had alluded him to be. Kind, gentle, soft spoken. But also very obviously held captive by drugs. 

"Well I'm not staying." It pained her to be so harsh. "This is Misty and Cordelia. They've took me in for the time being."

Once pleasantries were exchanged, Lou hurried closer towards the door. Charlie she could excuse, but there was no way she was allowing any of the other fiends that resided in the house to come forth. She wasn't even sure if she'd know them, with this dive being as available as a cup of coffee. It was her turn to be the protector. 

"I'm glad you're somewhere good Giggles. You deserve a shot at a good life. Deep down you were really the one who wanted it."

"Thanks Charlie. I'll see you around." All three women exited the door, and felt clean air embrace their infected noses in a heap. Oxygen had never felt so good.

"Hey." Charlie's voice rung from the doorstep, making Lou turn around. "Don't be a stranger."

"I won't. Take care Charlie." _I hope he knows how much I really mean that._


	11. The Dream Police

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title: The dream police // cheap trick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Everyone :) 
> 
> Thanks for your support and patience with this story! I just want to quickly add that this chapter deals with the topic of miscarriage. I've really tried not to be too graphic, but it's definitely explicit content. Anyway, thankyou! Stay tuned, I have a few good chapters coming up.

As cliche as it was, the last few days were an utter blur for Lou. Upon returning from Charlie's with her pathetic clutter of possessions, the young girl had faked sick and gone to bed. And by gone to bed, she glued her eyes to the empty darkness in solitude, her lifeless soul somehow still on high alert for monsters.

Misty and Cordelia had been nothing less than great about the whole thing, and that only made Lou feel worse; if that was even possible. Each time one of them would bring her warm soup or a toasty water bottle, her organs cried with iniquity. There was too much fussing steaming from the pair. Usually Lou would have indulged in their sweet gestures like a mockingbird drinking honey, but there was an elephant in the room that screamed with paranoia.

The brunette had almost turned her skin inside out when Cordelia mentioned that her clothes seemed a little tight. Deep down Lou knew the older woman wasn't remarking on anything other than the fact that she had been eating more substantial food portions since moving in with them, a careless statement, but it didn't stop her chest from sweltering.

Most of the time, she had barely felt her own pulse. She had merely been a ploy in a puppet master's dance, her arms limping robotically, and her foggy brain working without autonomy. This was a place she had never been before.

Usually during her blackest times, she still managed to remain somewhat semi functional. It terrorised her that after everything, this was what had tipped her over the edge.

On this particular evening, the azure felt too vast and empty. Somehow even the stars spoke with melancholy. Lou had been reading some of Cordelia's Psychology books before the news of the fetal entity came to light. The brunette concluded that everything she felt was merely just a projection from her sad little world. She didn't like how painfully brutal Psychology was. Sometimes it was nice to feel as though the moon bled her pain or the tallest tree felt her loneliness.

The streets outside usually rumbled vigorously, and it always made it easier for Lou to sleep. She had learnt over the years that sleeping in silence can be deadly, as the demons always know where to go, and in her current dire state - the brunette definitely felt as though she needed to hide.

Instead of the thunder of cars, Lou heard growls bubbling in her lower stomach, and no matter how many times she had attempted to convince herself that the spawn stealing her womb couldn't possibly be making them, it was an irrationality that she had still yet to believe. Somehow, even with all of these malevolent thoughts, Lou just couldn't bring herself to book the doctors appointment. She had taken several pregnancy tests one day during the week in a gas station near Misty and Cordelia's place, they of course were all "positive", but booking the actual abortion had left her too shaken.

There was something about having another strange doctor poking about in her nether regions that made the pulse between her thighs quake. She couldn't believe how much easier it really had all been the first time around, there was even a moment where the young girl had considered paying Charlie a visit; get some gear. It would be that easy again. But that life had ripped hers apart.

Besides, if either of the older women found out, Lou suspected she would be thrown out, ass first. _But it would be so fucking easy._ It was a continuous battle which had plagued her brain over the past week, and she seemed to have enough soldiers ready for each team.

And the guilt. Oh, the sheer guilt she strapped on her back was proving too heavy. Even though she hadn't known either woman long, literally nobody had ever demonstrated such sincere, selfless hospitality to her. Not since her mother in the early days anyway. The brunette realised that she would have to accept the bad karma later on in the future and take it in her stride. There was no way they could find out. _I've already given them enough grief._

_Why couldn't there just be a little god damn noise? Just tonight, please._

Discontented eyes gaped at the ceiling as if there was a personified version of the Universe looking down on her. _If there was, she would be shaking her wise head._

Somewhere during the unceasing battle to fall asleep, the young girl eventually succumbed to it.

There she stood, her abdomen thick and bulging. The room, so bare and empty of character, but hauntingly familiar. _Where am I?_ She racked her brain. Her childhood home? _No._ Charlie's place? _It doesn't have the same feel._ Misty and Cordelia's guest bedroom? _Definitely not._ And then it came to her. _No._

The sheets that smelt like soiled coffee draped next to her knees. _No._ The crook she had tried to plaster her small frame to, wallpaper flimsy and damp, shadowed behind her. _Please. This can't be real._ And then the bathroom door opened to reveal the same sinister smoke that leaked from it's home. _Blu._ Yes he was there, in all his wicked glory. Eyes all menacing, his body ready to pounce. _This is just a dream. Lou, wake up. This is just a dream._

"That's not going to work here Green Eyes."

_Was I speaking out loud?_

"You've come back to me. I always knew you would." The unholy voice beckoned.

 _No no no no no._ "Never. I would never come back to you." She stuttered. "This isn't right. You're not real."

"Really? I had you pegged for someone way smarter than that Green Eyes." He moved closer.

"No!" The young girl screamed. "You're not real!" She'd never spoken so loud.

"We're a family now Green Eyes." His wrenching hand cupped her exposed stomach.

 _Stop calling me that._ She couldn't help but let out a furious sob. All she wanted to do was spring her boney legs towards the door, escape this dystopian vortex, and find Misty and Cordelia. But before she could cry out their names, a consuming pain exploded in between her legs.

Blood, as ruby as the ring Misty wore on her index finger, trickled onto the grim carpet beneath her. Only this didn't glimmer, it just thickened and clotted.

"It's happening." The male voice struck. "It's time for us to meet our baby."

For a second, Lou locked eyes with her captor. Through her incessant ocean of tears, she noticed the sadistic smile that wore his mouth. He was completely in awe of her pain. And then it rose again, like a climax that wouldn't give. More bellows of cries and pleas filled the empty space. "Stop it. Please stop it." The pain felt so real. How could she possibly be feeling a pain she had never experienced? How was the pain so vivid that she could feel the connections between her neurons electrocuting eachother. Nothing made sense. That was, until it did.

In another room, deep out of the astral plane Lou was bind to, a mop of thick blonde curls shuddered awake. Royal blue eyes adjusted to the seeping darkness that surrounded her. A faint cry played in the background like a droning tune. _What on Earth is that?_ She looked to her lover, comfortably in peace sleeping next to year. Her closed eyelids lacking worry, for once.

She decided to investigate. "Lou?" She murmured as she approached the young girl's room. When the weeping only got louder and more raging, Misty picked up her steps. "Lou?" She called again, louder and more nervous. Flailing the door open in a hurry, the Cajun flicked on the light switch. The sight she saw knocked her entire body dizzy.

A small figure, wrapped in white satin, thrashing around the bedroom floor like a fish on dry land. "Lou!" She now howled.

Her pale legs hit the floorboards with a crash as she fumbled with the brunette beneath her. A pool of crimson collected by her knees, the steady stream having no intention to cease. "Lou! Wake up! You're bleeding." Once receiving no coherent reply from the girl, Misty screamed into the next room. "Cordelia! Cordelia!"

Fast footsteps stumbled through the dark hallway and towards the beaming light of Lou's bedroom. "What, what? What's happening?" The fuzzy voice of Cordelia asked. "Oh my god." She continued, once registering the scene performing before her.

"She's still asleep." Misty rambled as her girlfriend joined her side. "Delia, she won't wake up."

"Lou. Lou honey, I need you to wake up now." The older blonde hollered as she ferociously shook the shoulders of the wailing girl.

Jade stained orbs unglued themselves shut, her voice still wavering with trembles. _Where am I? Is it over?_ Another throb of pain told her it wasn't. She tried to speak, mumble something audible, but there was too much going on all at once for her voice-box to have a turn.

"It's okay Lou. We just need to get you up. You're bleeding." The Psychiatrist reasoned as her hands roamed the melting face of the brunette in a reassuring fuffle. Two pairs of arms fearlessly lifted the dead weight of Lou's bones into the en suite. Once Cordelia was assured that her lover had taken the strain to keep the young girl's bobbing torso afloat, she quickly switched on the light and jerked the toilet lid open. "Come here. Sit here. Put her here."

 _I want to die._ The brunette prayed for a collapse as a wet blue cloth slapped on her forehead. "I'm gonna call an ambulance." Misty asserted once she had turned off the tap.

"Lou. I need you to stay with me, okay." The other blonde whispered hastily near Lou's face. The woman's hands twitched, her sharp nails digging into the flesh of the brunette's biceps in an attempt to stop her from falling onto the tile floor. "You're bleeding alot okay, and I need you to stay with me. Can you do that." Sticky tears bled into her open mouth.

 _But I'm just so tired._ "Lou, can you do that for me?" _Is she crying? Am I actually going to die?_ "Lou. Please answer me." At this point, Cordelia's full palm was keeping Lou's head from falling backwards. _I'll stay._ She tried to purge the words off her tongue; her head felt too heavy for a nod. "Yes." Even though her voice sounded swollen, the answer affirmed Cordelia enough. "Good. Good girl. I got you. The paramedic will be here soon."

Puffy lungs echoed another screech just as Misty rushed back into the bathroom with a worried look and a cellphone. "They're on their way, okay Lou." The curly blonde reassured as her shaking fingers danced in the brunette's hair. "They just have a few questions, can she speak?" Bushy eyebrows frowned towards the other blonde.

"Barely. Why? What do they wanna know?"

Panicked hues of navy meshed with brown in dis-contempt whilst she answered. "How far along she is."


	12. Cry Baby Cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm just going to plant an extended warning onto this chapter. Again, it deals with the sensitive topic of miscarrying. It's not too graphic, but again, it's explicit. 
> 
> Enjoy :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title: Cry baby cry // The Beatles.

Of course it had registered to Cordelia that what Lou was experiencing was a gruesome miscarriage, _of course_. But had it registered further enough for her conscious mind to put the jigsaw pieces together? She guessed not. Her still glossy eyes travelled to the jerking soul beside her. All the wails and screams that once had a life of their own, had died suddenly into heavy breaths, each inhale sounding rotten like the inside of a dusty coffin.

She brought her head towards Lou's, and the weak girl followed in unison. "Lou. I'm going to ask you a question and I need you to tell me the truth." The girl's forehead was scrunched up so abusively that it felt like sandpaper grazing on hers. "We're not going to be mad at you okay. We just really want to help you now, so we need to know." She took the small tanned hand into her own and squeezed. "Did you know that you were pregnant?"

Neither women knew which answer they would have preferred. Misty saw both options as confusing and displaced, but there was a slither of herself that prayed Lou already knew. Her own bewilderment about the situation was catastrophically overwhelming; there was no way to resonate with how Lou must be feeling if she was just as clueless.

Cordelia on the other hand retrospectively favoured the latter. To her, if Lou had known this all along, it means that she had spent a good portion of time with them carrying this huge burden. She had dealt with many clients suffering with harsh feelings of guilt, and she witnessed how it just ate their spirit alive. _Come to think of it, she has been acting extra off._

Despite this, neither could distinguish any of these former feelings when faced with the surge of pity after she answered. "Yes." a small voice mustered.

"Okay." Cordelia matched the pitch. "Do you know how far along you are?"

For the first time that night, Lou really looked at the two women infront of her. The pain was still so very excruciating, but there was a new throb, and it made home right inside her heart. She had never felt so physically, mentally, and spiritually broken. Rocks of numbness filled her insides to the brim. It was the feeling she had been searching for all along. "It's Blu's." Her voice laced with disassociation.

"Just a few weeks." Misty shivered into the phone. She held her gaze strongly to the floor so the brunette wouldn't see her lips quiver.

"Sweetheart. Why didn't you tell us?" Cordelia spoke when she could be sure she wouldn't heave. Her sweaty hands gathered the clumps of wavy hair into a ponytail, as if the smooth glides of her fingernail's on the girl's scalp could take the pain away.

Lou fell over her words in a cluster, forfeiting the sentence entirely. There was nothing she could say that would make anything different. _I definitely still want to die._

Ring cluttered hands caressed a bronzed knee. "The paramedic is nearly here. I'm gonna go let them in." Misty attempted to smile, an automatic defence mechanism, but it only exaggerated the tears that had formed near her inner corners.

"It's okay, I've got her." The older blonde's finger gracefully knocked the stray tears off her lover's face, knowing that she felt guilty they were even there.

"Are you still in pain?" She turned as her lover left the room. She received a heavy nod. _Don't shut down on me now._ The heavy breaths had now shrunk even smaller. The discomfort obviously still present, but the energy had left town. Instead Lou only rolled her eyes; clenched her jaw; made weak grumps, all indicating that it wasn't quite over. _How can I fix this? How can I fix you Lou?_

The blonde placed a towel on the floor beside her, and dragged the smaller body down without fight. "Does this feel more comfortable?" She tried. Another nod shot her way. "Okay, good. Let's just keep breathing now."

_I wish I wasn't._ If she could have stuffed her insides with soil and water, Lou would have. _I don't think any flowers would grow now though._

"She's in through here." A light southern voice proclaimed from the mere distance. A batch of heavy feet drummed on the tile floor, making Lou's feeble body vibrate. They  looked so tall compared to her, standing mighty whilst addressing the situation at hand. In comparison Lou looked more like a crumbled receipt that it's owner had neglected to throw away, instead leaving her to decay in the bottom of a messy handbag.

"And this must be Lou. I'm Keri, I'm just here to check you out and make sure everything's okay." _Why must everyone speak to me like a child?_ Keri looked kind and warm, but she also looked very tired - Lou guessed subsequently because of her job. _Atleast I'm not the only one._ "Are you able to speak Lou?" The warm voice grew closer as the paramedic crouched down. _Perhaps if i just play dead, i'll get a free trip to the morgue._

"She's said a few words, but I think she's in a lot of pain." Once again, Cordelia was her voice. _I can't keep letting them do this for me._ She looked to Misty, who was still standing up, arms uncomfortably crossed and legs shaking. She was just trying to keep her cool.

"When did the bleeding start?" Keri asked as she inspected the surrounding area, the white tiles now stained with blood that was drying a crusty brown. Cordelia looked to her girlfriend for an answer, after all she was the one who had found Lou.

"I'm not quite sure." The Cajun ringed. "I found her about half hour ago perhaps. We were all asleep." _We were all asleep and she was all alone_.

"I was dreaming." A flat voice floated into the air. All eyes were on Lou now. "I dreamt that this was happening, and when I woke up, it still was."

"Okay. Thank-you Lou." Keri recognised. "Do you think the pain has got any better since it started?"

She was now directly addressing her, and leeches formed around the her trembling body. The young girl shut her eyelids tight to help rack the parasites out of her brain. "Yes." She answered in one quick breath. She could speak now for one.

"Okay. Can you tell me on a scale of one to ten, one being no pain at all, where it's at now?"

_Can we not go back to them answering for me?_ The brunette opened her thick eyes heavily. The leeches had scurried somewhere. "Maybe a four."

"Good. And before?"

"Like an eleven."

"Okay, that's a really good sign." The brunette watched as Keri's hands grazed over her shaking legs. Her hair was a pretty strawberry-blonde, but it was obvious that the overworked paramedic hadn't had time to cut her full fringe; she was constantly blowing air upwards on her face in an attempt to relieve her eyes from the overgrown strands. "I'm just going to measure your blood pressure and heart rate now Lou. Do you think you could sit up a little more for me?"

The girl hissed a deep wheeze as she detached her body from the bed of Cordelia's abdomen. _Okay so i'm still in pain._ "It's okay. I've got your shoulders." The older blonde honeyed from behind her.

Sticky white circles invaded her chest and biceps, making her skin look like it was coming down with a unique strain of measles. "All I need you to do is relax now Lou." _You've got a better chance of me winning the Boston Marathon._

It was a delusional trait, but as the blood pressure pump tightened around her bony trice, the brunette absorbed herself in the patterns of the adhesive labels. She imagined the vessels that were working hard beneath them to keep the currents of her body alive. _Why bother?_ She imagined tiny elves with wooden hammers trying to mend the broken pieces of her core. She then thought of how hard the elves must have worked to keep the second heart beat inside her breathing. She guessed that sometimes she was too strong for the little creatures, too determined to fuck up their hard-work. _Was this how tonight happened?_

"Okay. 110 over 90. Your blood pressure is perfectly normal Lou. Let's see how that heart beat's doing." Crocodile clips sporting a cherry red shade attached themselves to the nipples of the sticky circles. _Don't expect to find anything._

The young girl looked to Misty, who looked more scared than her. She was someone Lou enjoyed observing. Not only was she was she very handsome, but her facial expressions were always so soft and calming. There were no frown lines or creases to be seen. There was no proof that the world had ever wounded her. _I wish i knew more of her story._ Tonight she still looked similar; the drizzle before a hurricane, but the champagne blonde streaks of her curly mane had grown more tangled as the night had went on, and patchy copper stains sprinkled around her linen pyjamas. It didn't take Lou long to realise that it was her blood.

"You doing okay there Lou?" The Cajun had caught her staring promptly. She didn't mind, though she wished the young girl would start using her words. She gathered the world had stolen too many of her sentences for that.

"Peachy keen." _I hope this isn't my last night with them. Would they want to keep me after this?_

The room had been filled with such a blinding silence, but no member of the trio had realised; their thoughts too blaring and busy.

"Your heart beat seems to be pretty stable considering Lou, so that's really good! But i'm sorry to say that i'm certain you've miscarried." Keri waited to conjure the reactions from the tanned girl infront of her. Nothing. She looked to Cordelia instead. "The clots are more than likely the fetus as the pregnancy wasn't that far along. Given that she's in little pain now, I don't see any need to take her to the hospital, but if she starts to bleed heavily again, call us right away."

Cordelia hitched her breath steadily before murmuring faintly. "Okay, thankyou." Lou's back was turned away from her, but the blonde guessed she wouldn't have been able to read her face anyway. From her body she look slumped, as though she had surrendered herself to a pretty gruesome beating.

"Is there anything we can do for her?" Misty belled from where she stood, her fingers still near her lips even though she had forfeited chewing on them. The girl spread out beneath her like a pool of soda which had lost its fizz.

"Definitely keep an eye on her. Give her the strongest pain meds you have, and just let her rest." Keri hesitated before she continued her instructions in a purring whisper. "I can give you the number of a bereavement group?"

The curly haired woman looked upon her lover before answering. Lou looked uncomfortable beside her, more than likely because of the ebbing pain, but she looked safe. Maybe all she needed was them. _Therapy isn't the right thing for this one._ "I think we'll be okay, but thankyou anyway Keri. I'll see you out."

"I'm so sorry Lou." Keri expressed before following Misty out. She shot the young girl a woeful smile that only exaggerated the sooty bags under her eyes.

"Thanks." She was kinder than most doctors she had come across; it was the least she could do. _She doesn't know the half of it._

The tacky red clots that dribbled and sunk near Cordelia and Lou's barefeet started to dry sticky. The brunette couldn't stop thinking about which one was the actual fetus. _I did this._ "It was just a baby."

"Huh?" Cordelia rounded her neck intensely so that she had a front row seat to Lou's side profile. "Did you say something?" The blonde gathered Lou was surely going to shut her brain down after all this. Shut everything out, let alone speak.

"It was just a baby." Her voice sounded coarse, but it trembled like it had been given it's own heartbeat.

_Where is she going with this?_ Cordelia dreaded to think.

"It wasn't a demon." Almost completely inaudible, Lou yielded to the emotions processing through each cortex of her brain. It was too much of a strain to keep inside. She could feel her veins pulsating violently, a collection of dams ready to burst. And there it broke. "It was just a baby."

Cordelia was taken aback to say at the least. _Demon?_ There was no time to register, because there was now a screaming girl and a fresh jug of tears to take care of. The older blonde pulled the smaller body towards her stomach, her fists desperately clinging to clammy hands, worried that if she didn't, they would do something tragic. "Shhh, Shh, Shhh." She repeated, unable to find the correct words. But it was no use; a frightened, scratchy cry stole the show, wails of "It was just a baby!" breaking the particles dancing in the air.

Misty darted into the bathroom, barefeet tripping on the ice tiling. "What's going on!" She looked breathless. The sobs sounded too familiar to those from before. Instead of stumbling upon a sleeping Lou, wildly bleeding, she found her girlfriend sheltering the girl with fussy hands.The blood replaced with salty water, and the unconscious flailing replaced with a gentle rock.

"It's just a baby!" The weeping continued. "And I killed it!" Harsh hiccups interrupted Lou's sentences. "It was my baby! I killed my baby!" Her whines droned out like the notes from a theremin, her teeth grinding together seeking some relief from the agony inside of her.

"Come on Lou." Cordelia turned the sweaty head towards her own chest, curls clumping in the messy ponytail. She couldn't help but let her own tears spill. Perhaps they were empathy throbs, but as each blood-curdling vibration left the young girl's heaving chest, the blonde couldn't help but squeeze her tighter. "It's not your fault." She stroked her face, and the sweltering strands of brown that mixed with her snivels. "None of this is your fault." She even tried to close Lou's eyelids, hoping that if she could, perhaps the girl would calm down. "Look away Lou! Just concentrate on me." She pleaded. It was a horrific sight.

Unable to do much but stand stunned, Misty waved her arms about pathetically. _What can I do? What do I do?_ And as if Cordelia were a clairvoyant hacking into her girlfriend's thoughts, she answered for her. "Babe, can you move it away? Just move it all away." _I can do that._ She nodded in a hurry, her eyes starting to mist over themselves.

Seeing her lover breaking down aswell as Lou seemed to be her breaking point. She did her best to stay quiet, but in truth, Misty could have screamed Bloody Murder and it still wouldn't have won the bleating match.

"Calm down now Lou. It's all going away. It's okay now." Cordelia's sentences broke off in a heavy whisper, and as she rocked the brunette to safety, she ventured outwards and placed a light kiss on the crown of Lou's temple.

"Why don't we move you guys over here so I can finish cleaning up." Misty chimed, suddenly finding her voice. It was for certain now a very thick southern accent. She assisted her girlfriend towards the wall, the brunette in tow in her arms. The Cajun bent down to stroke Lou's raw cheek softly before she kissed Cordelia's rosy ones, the salty flavour lingering on her tongue. "It's all going to be okay now." She prayed Cordelia knew she was addressing her aswell.

"I'm so tired." It wasn't a dizzy feeling that engulfed Lou; it ran deeper than that. It wasn't just pure exhaustion or a strain from the energy her body had used, it was an emptiness that had leaked into her blood cells and birthed a disease.

"I know honey. Just rest your eyes for now." Cordelia watched Misty scarcely throw away soiled towels. Every so often she would pause and close a shaky hand over her mouth, as if she were struggling to stop a frustrated whimper from escaping. _This might just kill us all._ Cordelia had never been through a miscarriage, and as far as she knew, neither had her lover. Nor had she ever witnessed one firsthand. It seemed Lou was ticking an assembly of boxes of first's for the older blonde. _Why does it always have to be her?_

She stretched her eyes upwards onto the ceiling like she was praying to a God. _Please, just stop doing this to her._

First it was the almost attempted suicide, which the blonde gathered had stemmed from a long line of mommy and daddy issues. The depression came hand in hand with that one. Then it was the rape, which had now turned into a strenuous investigation to which would more than likely involve a judge and jury. _Oh shit, the lawyers are coming tomorrow._ She set her fatigued brain a mental reminder to cancel that first thing. But now there was this, a traumatic miscarriage to tie the whole fucked up ordeal with a bow. _And what about the stuff she hasn't told us yet?_  

This was going to be a rickety ride. But as she looked down to the brunette in her arms, face now comfortably buried in her pyjama top, Cordelia felt a craving. She craved to help her. She craved to see her grow into someone who didn't let her past fracture her.

Yes, all that surrounded Lou was shattered glass, but shattered glass shimmers in the right light.


	13. Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title: Blue eyes crying in the rain // Willie Nelson.

A southern voice scurried Cordelia out of deep thought. "Babe, are you in there?" She realised Misty had joined them on the floor. The room looked almost clean. She concluded that to a visitor, the space would seem ordinary, but there was a dark energy lingering there still, and that made the room look nothing but filthy.

"Don't you shut down now Dee." Misty looked haggered, the night had even managed to seep imperfection onto her angelic features.

"I'm still here." Cordelia's brown eyes almost looked black, her pupils were swallowed in the dark hue. She took her girlfriend's damp hand and squeezed hard.

"Is she asleep?" Muttered Misty, her eyelids too threatening to close as they fluttered. She placed her head on Cordelia's shoulder.

"I think so." The older blonde inhaled sharply, lusting after the sweet scent of peach mixed with eucalyptus aroming from her girlfriend's mane. It always seemed to steady her pulsing heart.

"She could do with a shower." Misty too started to fumble with the end of Cordelia's hair, swirling it around her fingers in loops. It was something the pair did nonchalantly most times they were near eachother, and now it brought more comfort than a cosy blanket.

"Let's just stay here a little while longer. I like this." They were speaking in no more than a hum, fearing that if not, the monsters that appeared to follow poor Lou everywhere would hear, and break their small moment of serenity.

"Yeah, me too." A deep, sensual kiss was planted on Misty. _She always tastes like fresh cranberry sauce._ "I love you Delia."

Cordelia adored how misty sang those three words. They were in a confusing and scary place, all of sudden in charge of another life in a way. But it felt rewarding and right. Those three words wiped the older blonde's soul clean, every single time. "I love you too. So much."

After a little while of uninterrupted silence, Misty's mellow voice broke the air. "What time is it?"

"It must be coming up to dawn atleast by now."

The Cajun observed herself and the two other bodies next to her. Lou looked peaceful, maybe not truly, but it was something. They hadn't heard a peep from her since she closed her eyes, but every so often her arms would stir, and she would clutch her fists a little tighter around her girlfriend's top. She stretched her single index finger towards the brunette's face and stroked simple patterns around her cheeks and chin. "Do you think it's time we wake her?"

"I don't want to, but we're all covered in blood, literally." It was not a dandy sight.

"Lou. Lou darling." The young girl scrunched up her freckly nose as Misty continued to coo her into wake, her fingers still dancing on cold skin. Her eyelids rippled like a butterfly's wings as she stirred into consciousness. "Shall we get you into the shower?"

It had been a semi peaceful slumber. Lou's hair felt damp against the linen Cordelia wore, but it was a home she had made for herself. Ripping away from it did not feel like a delicious idea. "Are you in any pain Lou?" The psychiatrist asked from above her head.

"Mmm comfy." she buried her exposed face into the material, a blend of salt and vanilla stung on her parted lips.

"I'll run her a bath." Misty announced once both parties realised they didn't have the heart to bring her into complete lucidity just yet.

"Could you fetch me some codeine tablets too babe?" In agony or not, it was paramount the young girl had some pain relief inside her.

"Sure." Dirty feet swayed and clambered around the bathroom. "Here we go." A glass of water rested alongside the pills in Misty's hands. Cordelia sat up a little more vertically before slowly bringing Lou's head and shoulders away from her person. Her chest muscles felt slightly heavy from the weight.

"Open your eyes sweetheart. Don't worry, you won't have to be awake for long."

"How are you feeling?" Misty's blue eyes burned a deep navy under the yellow light. A sluggish hand took the treats the Cajun offered.

"Fuzzy." It was pure nausea now, but Lou didn't want to reveal it. There was just an irritating queasy feeling in the bottom of her stomach. She used to get it a lot as a child when she would gulp heaps of water in one go. She would sway as she walked, and could feel the festering bubbles rocking side to side inside her like a drunk sailor. She heard the bath tap run heavily in the background. _That could be nice._

Misty semi assisted Lou into the steaming bath. Her head lolled, and her body floated towards the bursting air, but she didn't look woozy or like she was going to fall back to sleep. This satisfied the Cajun enough, and so left her there whilst she gathered some clothes from the guest bedroom whilst Cordelia took a swift shower in their en-suite. 

The drugs hadn't quite kicked in yet, but Lou felt drunk regardless. _It's been a while._ Her body felt airy, and with the help of the baby pink soap that fluffed like marshmallows, she could close her eyes and pretend she were a pixie sailing on a cloud.

The euphoria was short-lived. The cloud was hit was a blinding crackle of lighting, and it tipped her overboard. _The baby._ Had she forgotten already? She decided she was cruel, she was as evil as Blu, maybe worse, and it needed to end. It all needed to end.

The future was bleak. Sure there was Misty and Cordelia, but how long were they willing to keep a misfit like her? _It would less painful to end it now._ It was like there was a fog when she thought of the future, a thick black musky one. It looked like grainy soot, a collage of coal, and it wouldn't budge. It was just convenient that Lou lay in water. She once read it was the easiest way out, meaning that it would be a definite success, but she also read it was up there with the most painful. _I deserve it._

Lou was sick of seeing so many come and go. It was a lesson taught early in life, thanks to her mother, but still she was beginning to resent how quickly she had learnt that most forever's are only temporary.

She thought back to the night she really almost did it. She had been threatening herself with the dooming fate for as long as she could remember, but there was always some insignificant thing that dragged her back by the hair on her head. That night was different. It was just like any night really, except it was _really fucking different._ The brunette thought back. She could hear Charlie amongst other squatters roaring downstairs. They laughed like hyenas on acid, and banged on the walls as if they were trapped. The musky room she too often barricaded herself in wept with damp, unclean air. She watched her phone ring, time and time again, the same number begging the young girl to answer.

She hadn't spoken to her mother in a few months, and the last time she had, the older woman could only slur her brutal words. She spoke of nothing but empty promises, false apologies, and when none of that worked - she cried in curses. A few hours later when Lou peeled her mother's delicately draped body off the kitchen floor, she vowed to leave and never come back. The most painful thing was having to watch the woman who once sprung flowers from her mind, gyrate into a spineless drunk. _I should've never answered that call._ Either way it took her to the edge of the tallest building she could find.

Then she met Misty and Cordelia. _But i'm not enough for them._ To Lou, they deserved the whole world and extra. The last thing they warranted was an expired beauty queen, who could have maybe been something if she'd chosen a different deck of cards.

The brunette kept her bright eyes open as the water filled her pink cheeks. The aqua she bathed in had burnt all of the woolly bubbles, making it dead and flat. A raspberry hue mingled in the luke-warmth, but it was nothing similar to sweet. _How long does this take?_ The light glittered above her claggy vision, under water it looked like a crystal sun, the edges blending into shapes of diamonds.

She used her last wish to the Universe praying that the two kind women received nothing short of a Paradise for a life; her final penny thrown deep into the well.

Meanwhile, away from the gloom that now pooled in the guest-bed bathroom, Misty threw a clueless ensemble of clothes together for the brunette to wear. The curly haired blonde allowed herself to breathe. It's arguably the most simple task to exist, but after tonight it seemed to need a booklet of instructions. _Okay, ready._ "Lou." She called at a reasonable volume, whilst she cracked open the pine door. "Are you almost do-." The Cajun dropped the pile of items in an unnerving distress.

_She's fallen asleep, fuck. No? Her eyes are open. What?_ Her mind rolled insanely with questions, and answers, and observations; her blue eyes finding their own heartbeat. "Lou! What are you doing?" She shrieked as her long arms stretched to drag the nude body into oxygen.

She received heaves of spluttered coughs in reply. "Oh god, oh god! Why would you do that?" She continued to roar as Lou purged another round of wheezes. "Why on earth would you do such a thing?"

Stunned as ever, Lou tremored in the bitter air. She tried to form words, an explanation - an argument perhaps, but she was too dumbfounded by the sight of Misty shaking, her short nails digging into her own bronzed flesh. "Answer me, Lou! Why?" Her curly hair dribbled messily into her parted mouth, tears trespassing each crease in her skin. The blonde lowered her voice. "This isn't the answer Lou. This is never the answer."

"But what if it is?" A meek voice croaked. _She doesn't understand._

Misty knew this was something she needed to answer carefully. "Lou." _Oh god, Delia is so much better at this than me._ She grabbed the young girl's face by the jaw gently. "You haven't been handed an easy ride in this life so far, and that fucking sucks; it's not fair. I know sometimes there doesn't seem to be any point in trying anymore, it's exhausting isn't it?" A lone teardrop trickled down the brunette's wet face like a melting portion of ice-cream whilst she nodded heavily. "But you don't have to carry it all on your back anymore. Me and you, and Delia - we all share that now." Pale fingers dismissed the escaped tear. "We're a team now. And we need all our players here, fighting. We need you Lou, just like you need us." Misty awaited a response. _Please tell me that made sense._

"Okay." The brunette mustered. "I'm sorry."

Curly hair shook side to side vigorously. _Not what I was looking for._ "You. You don't say sorry for anything that's happened here okay? I know there's amazing things waiting for you out there Lou." Misty tried to produce her sweetest smile. "And I just want you to be there to see them."

"Hey, what's going on?" A concerned Cordelia asked as she scrunched her dewy hair with a towel at the doorway.

Misty looked to Lou, but her brain had seemed to have wondered off again. _She always looks like she's staring at a ghost._ The blonde didn't know quite how to answer, she wasn't even sure the past five minutes had sunk in for either of them. Besides, her girlfriend looked so fatigued now that she wasn't stained with blood.

"Mist?" Both parties infront of the older blonde looked troubled with something, but a dense mask of haze clouded them. "Look that water is probably freezing by now." She grabbed a fresh towel from the basin. "Your lips will be blue soon Lou if we don't get you out now." Cordelia continued as she aided the brunette out of the muggy water, carefully avoiding Misty's flaccid limbs on the tile flooring.

"God, you're frozen." The blonde persisted to dress and dry a weak Lou, her shrugged body showing no interest in doing it herself. _She doesn't even have it in her to care for dignity._ This was bad.

In the bathroom, Misty stayed in place. She felt grimy and greasy, like the curdled fat neglected in a frying pan. _She's safe._ Her head pounded with force, a migraine blaring it's loud horn in her frontal lobe. _She's with Cordelia._ The Cajun always felt too much, and it was too powerful. Sometimes she felt as though she was that empathetic, she could feel the physical pain that burst from the ones she loved.

This was the realisation; this was the book of revelation - she loved her. Not in the same way she loved Delia, but it was love just the same. It was the love she danced in when she would play with her baby sister. It was the love she cried through when her kid brother almost got run over by a car one calm afternoon. It was fierce. It was raw. It was a love that would make her body grow extra arms if needed. No, this was primal and it made her blood run cherry to her core.

"Are you still in pain sweetheart?" Cordelia hummed in the adjacent room when she assured the young girl was fully covered warmly. She kneeled down when brown locks only hung towards the floor. "I know I say this alot, but it's gonna be okay." A part of Cordelia wished Lou was still kicking and screaming up her guts, atleast then she knew what she was feeling. "Let me in your head Lou."

She didn't expect an answer, but when a tiny utter spoke "You don't wanna be in here." All the blonde could do was wrap her long arms around the petite frame with a tight squeeze.

A few minutes passed before Cordelia realised her lover had yet still to leave the bathroom; she had expected the Cajun would have jumped at the chance for a hot shower.

The body, still in her embrace, breathed steadily into her fresh set of pyjama. Not one tear had broke free from tired eyes. "Will you be okay while I go check on Misty?" She whispered into moist hair. The brunette bobbed her head like it was the only way she could communicate.

"Baby?" The door creaked open as the blonde announced her arrival. Greeting her was a feeble Misty, tears heaving clumsily out of blue eyes. "Oh, honey." Loud sobs rose from the Cajun as Cordelia collapsed on next to her. "Come here."

Misty wasn't the sort to get worked up over things, she never seemed to dwell for too long. She was always raw in her emotions, never afraid to cry, but usually it was with compassion and chemistry. To put it lightly, Cordelia had yet to see her shut down and lock herself away. "She's gonna be okay Misty." The older blonde caressed familiar hair whilst its owner sunk her lips into thin material.

"Where, where is she?" Misty suddenly started to panic. "You left her? You left her alone?" Her eyes rolled like a pair of dices.

"Shhh, shh. Hey, calm down." Clean hands took dirtier ones mid air. "She's just fine. She's in the other room."

"No! No, she's not fine Cordelia. She just tried to fucking kill herself!" It was unnatural seeing Misty like this. Her meek voice loud in volume, a thick southern accent violating her words. It was incongruous.

"What are you talking about?" Cordelia scrambled in a whisper, as if to make up for her lover's curdling amplification.

A cry died in the back of a scratchy throat. "You were in the shower. I found her."

"Oh, god." The older blonde rubbed her head painfully. _When will this night fucking end?_ "Look, I've got her. I'm gonna go and be with her, and you're gonna go take a shower. And then all of us are gonna get some rest and put this dreadful, dreadful night behind us."

"Okay." Misty shook her head as if she were evacuating the tears from the home they had made in her skin. "Okay." She wiped her eyes to help. "She's gonna be fine. She's going to be fine." She repeated.

"Yes she is." Cordelia joined in swabbing her girlfriend's face, the pale skin now blotching.

"I just love her Delia, I don't want anything bad to happen to her." The Cajun had to forcefully suck new tears back into her throbbing chest.

"Me too." dainty fingers finely played with Misty's curls. "But it won't, over our dead bodies."


End file.
